If you are looking for substance, you won't find it here

Top of my priority list today: GET A PEDICURE. Wow. If Elizabeth couldn't bear the sight of my toes January 2005, she would CRINGE if she saw them today. Chipped, peeling (why do I never just take the polish off myself?), half red/half nail... not a pretty look. I guess the last time I got my toes done was like I don't know, 2 months ago maybe? I didn't before my last Cancun trip (had to cancel the appointment)... okay so maybe like a month and a half ago. I blogged about it (because, you know, my life is so FUCKING exciting), so you guys figure it out. Whatever the case may be, they look like shit. Poor Xiang, it won't be fun for her (Hey maybe it will be like that time Janet and I hadn't been in a while, and when the poor girl at Dharma Spa was doing the pumice stone thingie, dry skin was just RAINING down on her - oh my hell, hilarious times. The girl was just covered with sweat and Janet's flakes by the end of it, and Janet of course was mortified... good times...).

Okay, so yesterday officially ended the WORST MONTH END OF MY CAREER. No lie. God, that was agony. Maybe 13 opened and 8 closed. If it wasn't for the next little bit of news I am going to deliver to you, I would SO be fired. I don't know what happened, except that my clients just didn't have it in them this month I guess. And Lord knows I haven't closed anything in my condo subdivision since the end of August. Though there is a rumor... and if it is true, well, October won't be pretty.

The next bit of news is about layoffs. Our company had decided we needed to trim the fat - and we are so not a company that likes to do that. But sometimes it is inevitable. So I have been sitting around in my 13 files (well, it was only 13 files as of yesterday, for a while there I was sitting around in my 7 files) thinking of how much stuff I would need to pack when they fired my ass. I was 2nd newest in the branch and I am certainly no volume queen at this point (you know, in my defense, this month of September really was a career-low, and I am giving myself too much crap, but still). The end was nigh on October 6, and though there are certainly some people who would be much better candidates for it, the decision was made.

My amigas Mexicanas.

Yes, kiddies, they shit-canned Emerging Markets. I am so bummed. These girls were awesome - so, like, INTO it. I mean they loved marketing, they loved people, they loved taking signings at unGodly hours and under unGodly circumstances... all the things I have grown to dislike in escrow! It was really inspiring. But the company decided that at this time it was not cost-effective for them to continue to support the program locally, and off it went. I can understand simple economics as well as the next guy, but what bums me out is that I was SO impressed with the concept of this department (I blogged about it earlier, too, I will try to link to it).

Anyway, they took it well, better than most people would, I imagine, and actually are doing something even better that will help our industry out immensely - as well as me. Plus Imeldita gave me some of her clientes and that will help me (since I am not doing a lot of marketing these days... )... but I am bummed all the same because they are my friends and it was fun hanging with them during a long day. I know they will be successful - I do. I am excited for them for that. And they left the company in such a positive manner that it made certain people cry. Truly inspiring.

So yeah, today, besides the toe thing, I also need to get to the Post Office (or something similar) and run to Target, and perhaps the mall. We shall see. None of this loafing around the apartment today! May go to sushi with a Becky but it depends on her kiddies' sports schedules. I spilled coffee all over the floor in the kitchen first thing (good MORN-ING!) (coffee grounds, coffee I had just bought last night, so it wasn't wet or used AND I managed to get 98% of it on the little rug in front of the sink) so that inspired me to sweep the kitchen and wash the little rug. I am on a roll!

Watched "Barbershop 2" last night because how much do I love Ice Cube (and always have, no lie, from NWA to present) - it was okay. Not bad at all, even if it was a sequel, and I am not really Sequel-Girl, just okay. You know how it is. Unfortunately, my Netflix copy of "Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle" came cracked so I had to send that back and order another one (don't ask, there is no rhyme or reason to my Netflix choices) (I heard it was funny and I used to smoke a lot of dope). I was in bed by 10 and got up at 8am. 8AM! That's like 10 hours of sleep! What am I doing that requires 10 hours of sleep?!

Well, I'll tell you. Sitting in front of the crack-top. And shirking my duties. So go away now and let me go take a shower so I can get my shit done.

Happy Saturday!

Make the Signature GO AWAY

That's it, my hand has been forced.

I was cruising the Coach website this morning (since it's month end and there is NOTHING to do...) (I'm SO fired) (so why again am I looking at handbags?) and all I can say is, I give up. They should just stop calling it Coach and start calling it Signature.

I am not trying to be offensive to anyone who may have a Coach Signature line handbag or accessory. This is a matter of personal preference. And MY blog. So yeah, I hate the Signature line. HATE it. And that Coach website is nothing BUT Signature. It sickens me. They even snuck some Signature items in the "Classics" area, which is really where I prefer to shop, since I think a lot of the bags are just way too busy (even the ones withOUT the big C all over them) and I don't think I could pull of suede fringe at work. Or zebra. What the heck is ZEBRA about?

The only, and I mean only, purse I could have probably lived with on that site this morning was in pebbled leather, and let's face it folks, I quit Dooney & Bourke 8 years ago. I love them, don't get me wrong, but Coach was everything I ever needed in a handbag. Now? Not so much.

So as much as I hate to say it, it's time to move on.

I don't even know where to begin.

I do like that Michael Kors enormous green bag that I got a few months ago (might just be a tad TOO big since it has been sitting on a chair in the dining room since June when I brought it to Cancun)... maybe I'll look there. Or Marc Jacobs... definitely not Prada or Louis (too many knock-offs - it's what drove me from Dooney oh those many years ago).

Well, it appears I have some work to do this morning, then. Hope you all have an enjoyable day.

p.s. Don't tell Janet what I'm doing.

Feedback

Rather than post a comment, it seems Becky H. (one of the Beckys) thought I might like this and emailed it to me. HILARIOUS.

But... do I really sound this bitter?

Just sitting here, eating my fiber cereal...

... and thinking about what to say today in response to an article on CNN.com. It's not so much the article ITSELF, as what it represents. It's a stupid article about locust swarms, which are currently affecting Cancun, and it's news, but it's the way it is written that is just pissing me off.* The article is linked under the word "article" that first appears in this entry, for those of you that don't know - if there is a word underlined odds are good it's a link, so click on it and if you want to, read it. Maybe you should read it before I go on. Go ahead, I'll wait.

Okay. So here's the thing (and I said something similar to this in response to Mexico Way's blog of last night in the comment section). I understand that reporters need to jazz up there articles in such a way that they have readers returning to the periodicals for which they write. I can dig that. But there is vibrant writing and there is sensationalism - two entirely different things. If you cannot WRITE vibrantly without speaking half-truths and blowing things COMPLETELY out of proportion, find yourself another profession.

While the reporter is simply stating that there happen to be swarms of locusts in areas of Quintana Roo, in and near the Cancun area, he (I assume "he") makes it sound like Cancun was destroyed (well, okay, it was somewhat) beyond all hope (it WASN'T, because it's BACK, which apparently this guy and CNN don't want the reader to realize) and now, to add insult to injury, their are clouds of corn-munching locusts blanketing the hotel zone and wiping out the corn crop (because, as we all know, right before I go frolicking on the sandy, white beaches I like a good run through the corn stalks just outside party central). Lucky for us, however, discriminating travellers that we are, the population has declared war and have strapped insecticide tanks to their trucks and cars and wait until sunset to fog the entire city (please understand that some of my readers are not familiar with Cancun's geography, lots of people consider "downtown" to be where the Hard Rock Cafe is) (so with that in mind, 60 million people reading CNN.com probably think the same thing). In the US anyway, any sort of chemical that has been condemned by the media will most certainly cause dwarfism, brain damage and sterility, so good Lord all this pesticide raining down on them canNOT be good.

The article goes on to say that this locust swarm is because hurricane season has been mild in the region this year (so far, trust me I am touching wood). Some official is quoted saying that (and don't we all know that if you name an official in an article he is probably the national spokesperson/top scientist/chosen one/all-around-smart guy?) this disaster is due to the "hot weather and an absence of mobility-limiting hurricanes"... okay... I'm confused. Devastating hurricanes are... good, then? ( -affect high-pitched whiney voice here - "Ooohh, I'm just a sheep with an average 6th-grade reading level, I don't know any better, please tell me what to think!").

My favorite line has to be the end though, when they state the fact that typically locusts come to the region every four years or so, because of NATURAL LAW, and then close that simple nothing-to-see-here-folks statement with, "[locusts] are most famous as one of the 10 biblical plagues of Egypt". OH. MY. HELL. And I thought I was overly dramatic.

See, in wrapping this up, kiddies, because I have to, I have a job, the thing that PISSES ME OFF the most about this whole ridiculous, stupid, S T U P I D article is this: it's a simple (though bothersome) situation that, if in any other state or city in Mexico or Latin America or ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD, would NOT BE NEWSWORTHY. But it's Cancun, and people (even the sheep) in the US love to vacation in Cancun, and frankly, the US (I don't even know WHO it would be, tourism? the accounting department? See how NOT political I am?) is tired of people spending their money in Mexico. So Wilma hits and the area is ravaged beyond repair, just a shell of its former self, good LORD don't go there, and on top of everything else, NOW THERE IS A PLAGUE!

Instead, let's stay out of that horrible country of Mexico who spends most of its days plotting how they can sneak more people into our country. Let's vacation instead here, maybe in the South, like New Orleans (whoops, better not go there) or Mississippi (wait, is it even still there anymore? I haven't heard ONE THING about them on TV or in the newspapers in simply ages! I guess life is completely back to normal for them - otherwise, we would have heard about it, right? RIGHT??)... okay, don't worry, I hear somebody built a baseball stadium in the middle of an Iowa cornfield a couple years back... maybe we can go there... if those dang locusts don't travel north...

_________________
* Another thing that is currently pissing me off is that either Blogger is incredibly slow this morning or my computer is, and it is taking forever to load shit on the internet, and there is this INCESSANT BUZZING going on some-goddamn-where in the building that is intermittent, loud, and making me INCREASINGLY more irritated.

Monday Monday (da DA, da da da da)

Good morning, Monday! I am trying to get myself back into the frame of mind of "Monday is Good" so I actually got up at 5:10 this morning without bargaining myself into another worthless 10 or 15 minutes, so perhaps things are looking up. Today starts the first week in like 3 that I have worked a full five-day work week, and why not? It's the end of the month! Not like I have much to do... I think I might get docs on one file today, but knowing this lender, I'll get them around 4:30... I just checked my work email and they certainly are not here yet. I even took a courtesy signing for Judy in Main. By far, the worst month end on record, EVER. And remember, I spent the entire months of March and April surfing the net.

The weekend was a complete drag, I barely left the building except to get a much needed face waxing (and oh my HELL I needed that). My excuse was a very aggressive digestive cleansing (do I really need to come right and say "laxative"? What the hell, everyone seems to know about my blockage issues... because I blog about them... so it's really my own fault... and yet... I don't seem to care) and I felt it best to stick around a familiar bathroom. Not like I really needed to.

My plea to fellow bloggers of updating a little more often was pretty successful. La Bruja seemed to attack the idea with vigor, but then again, she's like that. But hey, it kept me busy, and frankly, that is all that matters. Thanks to you all, just remember, it's not a one-time thing - I require the commitment to your blog, dang it.

So I have been meaning to ask you if you have seen those disturbing VW commercials where the people are driving along talking about mundane things when suddenly out of no where somebody crashes into them. They're pretty graphic, let me tell you, and after the first 5 or 6 completely shocking, came-out-of-nowhere viewings, I finally started anticipating the crash (you are like, in the car with them, complete with full body air-bag impact, hair flying... my neck was sore for a couple days after the first one), but they still just shock the shit of me. I mean, it's not like I am going to run right out and buy a VW (or anything for that matter, JANET) (not even a PURSE), but still. If you were gonna, and safety was your gig, they certainly get the point across. Remember that movie (sorry Ellen) (and Shelia) "Adaptation" with Nick Cage playing twins and Meryl Streep smoking dope? And that part at the end where you think they are getting away and they get in a wreck out of the blue and Nick Cage 1 goes flying out the windshield? They're like that. It's nuts.

Okay, I am off to work. I'm not sure why I blogged this morning, but see? Content is secondary. Just leave a comment before I drive you all off with the boredom, please.

For Kim S, something kind of fun

This is fun - I was reading KATU on line (enriching my mind... or something) when I saw Felton and his ad. Isn't that fun? I know this guy! And so, I might add, does Kim. Of course, she knows him MUCH BETTER than I do.

You know who you are

Okay, lookit. Every day, I, like you, log on to the internet and check certain sites. I check my email, I check my news sites, I check some message boards, I check some blogs.

Yes, I check some blogs.

And frankly, when the blogs I check regularly haven't been updated in a while, I get a little cranky. I can handle a couple of days without, but 4 days? Sometimes 5, 6 or 7 days? Come on! What is the deal here? Either you have a blog or you don't!

Remember, blogging is fun for EVERYONE: the blogger, who gets an audience and has the one opportunity in life to be read (heard) by anyone listening without interruption; and the reader, who looks for a little entertainment, a little peek into the life of someone else, just for a change, just for a breath of fresh air.

I don't want to mention names, but I know where each and every one of you live (well, all but one) (actually, three), so don't MAKE me come out there.

ER for reals

I am never sick. Seriously, never. So when I got a little pain in my upper right hand abdomen Monday afternoon I figured it was just aches and pains from being an old hag. It ended up increasing (the pain), not dramatically but increasing never the less. By Monday night, I ended up, after talking to Kathy, calling the advice nurse at St. Vincent's. She talked to me for a while, and though she didn't want to rule out appendicitis (it was too high but you never know), she thought it best that I visit the ER. Oh joy.

I called my sister Barbie and she came and got me at around 10:30. My pain level (I hate that. How the hell do I know what my pain level is at on a scale of 1-10? Having never been gut-shot I couldn't possibly tell you what the most severe pain might feel like) was around a "5" (whatever), but I wasn't nauseous and nothing else really hurt. Just this one spot where my gall bladder is.

The ER after hours is a nightmare. I was given the beeper after signing in but there were more people in there than you can imagine. I waited an hour but you know, I am just not that person, so Barbie and I discussed the possibility of it being gas and I decided to just get out of there. I signed out and promised the girl at the desk that I would make an appointment with my doctor in the morning. We stopped at Albertson's and got some Alka Seltzer and some Gas-X and I went home.

Could only "sleep" on my right side (the side that hurt). It sucked. Throughout the night the pain did not get better, only worse. I got up at 6:30 and hung out and then called the doctor's office and left a message for them to call me back when they got in around 8. Then I called in sick. When the doctor's office called me back I was in more pain, but I agreed to a 2:15 appointment. She told me that if it got worse to call her back.

By 9 I was in agony and was starting to kind of panic thinking my appendix was bursting (even though it was so high) or that I was going to rupture something. Having never had anything like this, I had no idea what to expect. I called Barbie after the doctor's office told me to go to their Urgi-Center right away, and she came in about 20 minutes (while I dressed and then vomitted for a little while). The Urgi-Center told me to go back to the ER because for what I was dealing with they didn't have the proper equipment. So off we went.

The ER in the day time is nothing compared to night, so I got in right away and they hooked me up to an IV and gave me some pain medication. They took blood to test and then took me up for an ultrasound. After a few hours, and while the pain med was wearing off, they came in to tell me there was NOTHING WRONG. Mind you, I am still in pretty bad pain. They only thing they could think of was that the colon takes a 90 degree bend right about the same area and maybe I was blocked. They told me to eat raw vegetables. That was it.

I left, and Barbie stopped at the pharmacy for some colon-blow (or anything like it) and I got a couple of things to help move the product along. Of course after taking it not much happened, but I went to sleep for the rest of the day and all night, and this morning the pain was back to about a 4 and now as I type this, probably a 2. I think I will have no problem sleeping, and I had some soup earlier. I will go to work tomorrow because in this business you just can't NOT go to work.

I just wish it would go away, whatever "it" is. If it is just that I am full of shit in a bad place, it's time to move on. I wish there was a kind of Dran-o for that.

So that's my Tuesday/Wednesday.

A bright spot

It poured down rain this morning and took me 40 minutes to get from my apartment to the top of Sylvan.

But then when I got home tonight, I saw that America's Next Top Model is starting again on Wednesday.

Every cloud really does have a silver lining...

Back to the mundane

So did I mention I lost my voice last Saturday while down south? Yeah, Liz came down to the zh Friday night and we drank anything that wasn't nailed down at My Place. Things on fire, things dropped into other things, even sippy things. It was quite fun and I wish I had had my camera. Meanwhile, back in the States, my voice is coming back but it isn't fully here yet and I still sound a little like a cross between Demi and Marge (Moore and Simpson). It's not as attractive as it sounds.

My trip was good - it was busy and I laid out minimally but we ran around a lot and that's fun for me. I got home late (as you know) and work was a big huge bummer on Friday, felt tired all day and didn't want to work much, but no one would play with me and John John was at a golf tournament all day. He told me it was very quiet while I was gone. So that means I am loud. Hm.

Anyway, Benny's 50th was a fun party, drank a lot of beer. Got home around 1 I think, and then stayed up to do some pretty unsuccessful drunk-dialing (which is good, the unsuccessful part, but I won't go into detail). Woke up Saturday in NO MOOD to get up (dolor dolor dolor) and the thing is, I was drinking BEER. What the fuck? When I drink tequila and beer, no head ache. When I drink beer and only beer, head ache. How about that?

Consequently I only went out yesterday to get Kathy to her car and hit the supermarket. Then it was couch city. How I managed to sleep until 7:30 today is beyond me, but I did. I got some Netflix - watched "Sorry, Haters" last night and though it was ... good ... it was a tiny bit disturbing.

I think I will break down and get a shower this morning, try to go tan (maybe) and get a little bit more done (like fold the laundry I did all day yesterday. It really doesn't count as getting all your laundry done unless you actually fold it and put it away), and then get back to work mode. I have to sit in training tomorrow for like 3 hours but it could be worse I guess. Not that fired up. I have GOT to figure out a way to realize the dream again.

Plus it is flipping FREEZING OUTSIDE and right now I can't feel my toes.

Oh yeah - GO DUCKS! 34 to 33 - good LORD what a game. I am so proud.

Home :(

Well I am back, and would you LOOK what time it is? It's no more than 14 degrees out here in the City of Roses and of course I arrive in a short sleeve tshirt. Plane was supposed to land at 10pm but we sat in Phoenix for an hour waiting for some weather to pass (great, I love turbulence) and instead arrived at 11. Poor Kathy! She gets sucked into picking me up and has to sit at PDX for a flipping hour. I owe her big.

So I thought I would check in and briefly state my sadness upon returning to a wet Portland and the fact that I have to get up in like 4 hours and go to work. I had a fabulous time as usual, fuck I miss living there, and of course didn't do half of what I set out to do. But there you go. Things are just so laid back that the day tends to slip away from you...

I lost my voice about Saturday and have not found it since. Which sucks for someone who talks a lot. Lord only knows where it went but I blame it on the a/c in the condo since I tended to keep it on all night.

Off to bed. It will be nice to be in my own again, even if it's only for a few hours. I think I might be a little wired still. Everybody pray my car starts in the morning!

On the road again...

Well, in the air again, anyway. So yeah, I have to go to bed in like 40 minutes, so I can get up at 2am. I am pretty much packed except for the bathroom, and Shelia will be here at 3am and then I am off. You people out there may think I am crazy for getting to the airport at 3:30 for a 5:30am flight, but I abide by the rules when it comes to airline travel and I am not going to muck it up now. Old habits and all that.

Seriously, I wish that I could have had like JoyceVision on me all weekend. I did NOTHING. N-O-T-H-I-N-G. I packed a little bit here and there, I did some laundry... other than that, NADA. I cannot get over how lazy I have been. Is it the life-force being sucked out of my every pore from that BLASTED condo development? I kinda like that excuse. I'll use it.

So I am off to the sunny (hot, humid) climes of Cancun and I guess I am excited finally, just because it will be nice to not be at work and hear the same crap every time I pick up the phone. I hope Heather doesn't hate me when I get back, she is covering my desk. It should be quiet. I have temporarily re-gifted the condo back to Nicky so maybe she will be able to get something closed. Right. I won't hold my breath.

I am painfully, oh so painfully, white and I cannot believe I am actually going to wear shorts. No lie, Thursday morning I am OUT AT THAT POOL for no less than 3 hours. It has to be done. No excuses.

Anybody out there reading that is in Cancun right now, please search for jello shot cups. I can't remember who I gave them to and they were sort of a bitch to find the last time around.

I really don't have much more to say except don't miss me while I am away and Go Ducks.

GO DUCKS

48 - 10 over Stanford yesterday. Always a good way to start out the season.

Keep an eye out on this one...

Trying to reason with spider season

Saturday seems like the best day to blog because I tend to avoid things I should be doing. Like I have been up for 2 1/2 hours and haven't done anything but thaw the shrimp and drink coffee. And switch over to the Mexico calling plan on my cell phone. And kill a spider. They are getting bigger.

Oddly enough I have not blogged about the growing spider situation lately. Okay I know, I know, come Fall-ish weather you see more of them in the house, blah blah. And they like rooms with clutter, whatever. But seriously I have killed probably on average a spider every 4 days around here since July. Two in the bathroom, one in my bedroom, one in the living room, two in the hall between my bedroom and my bathroom, and a few in the entry hall. Today was no exception. The spiders themselves are all pretty much the same kind - those black hard ones that are smaller than a dime including legs, maybe the size of a 10 centavo piece. Still, though, it's no fun. Today's spider I didn't see until I was walking from the crack-top back to the bathroom to put my contacts in (it's probably better that I saw it with my glasses on - the prescription needs updating). It was big. Probably between a dime and a nickle. Nickel? Nickle? Dang it.

Anyway, I did an about face and blasted the fuck out of it with Raid and it died pretty quickly, not as slowly as the one in the corner over my TV last Saturday. I find myself doing complete spider-checks in every corner of every room I enter, just because I grow paranoid. One of these days it will be one of those wolf spiders like what Shelia always had in her house. Mother of God. I would just have to move out I think.

So I leave for Cancun on Wednesday morning and Shelia is picking me up from the airport at 3am. Do I even go to bed that night? I guess I do and just get up at 2am. Nuts. No water on the plane (well, to carry on, I guess you just have to ask for 7 bottles when you get ON the plane because the bottled water on planes is like 4 inches high from lid to bottom). Plus no lip goo, right? I am having (of course) a sudden onset of over-dry lips these days and I know that's why. I need to learn to stop falling prey to my own psyche's tricks.

So I am telling my good friend Keith about my impending trip and how cheap I go, and he did a little research and lo and behold, he booked! So he and his wife Laura are coming down on the 9th (next Saturday) and staying til the 18th, staying in one of Brian's condos at Salvia. Awesome. It will be fun, they haven't been there I don't think, and I think they will enjoy the vacation. So in an effort to avoid the obvious, I sent them a couple of emails about how to get through the airport and money and that kind of thing.

Yesterday, my brother Chris and my nephew Cody came up from Yorba Linda for today's Duck game. They got into Portland around 8am and went to my mom's, and then today they drove to Eugene at like 7am and will spend the night in Eugene and fly out from there tomorrow. Cody is 13 (8th grade) and is a fox. I took some pictures with my new camera but I am too much of a dork to figure out how to upload them so maybe I will learn later. We had dinner last night at Old Market Brew Pub in Garden Home (Mom, Chris, Cody, Tom, Jim, Shelia, Barbie and myself) and then afterward Tom went back to Mom's house but I didn't because I fear driving in Beaverton. I would have succumbed to beer drinking and that would not have been good, I'm sure. It was a good time though, and when I got home Janet called and I talked to her for like the 4th time that day and for another no lie hour and a half.

Jill, Chris's wife and Cody's mom, was in town on Tuesday and we went to dinner (mom, Shelia, Jill and I) at Pazzo's downtown (she stayed at the Benson). It is always good to see Jill. I got home at like 10:10 though so I became cranky and even though the strongest I drank all night was San Pellegrino I felt hungover the next day. I sometimes wonder if me and my psyche are even on the same side.

That should keep you up to date for a while. I did manage to close the three "B" unit files that have been sitting in my recording standup for a month, had a good month end and get to keep my job for another month at least, so the vacation must be my reward. I am looking forward to it.