Monday, February 27, 2006

T-1 day

So today I went shopping for some work clothes and I hate everything that is out there. Seriously. I bought two pair of slacks and then a sweater at Target for God's sake. And that took me in the neighborhood of 3 hours. Sucked. On top of that it was raining off and on so that didn't help.

Whilest browsing for shoes at Meier and Frank I ran into Alonso and Elsa who own Casa Colima in Hillsdale. Alonso used to be a manager over at Azteca, the bar I used to frequent back in another life, and Elsa cleaned my house. They opened up Casa Colima about mid-2004 and they catered one of my going-away parties at First American back in November 2004. Of course the only people I know at Washington Square are Mexicanos. You would think I would know a ton of other people there considering I have lived here for pretty much 30 years of my life...

Elsa had just come back from Colima herself, and they asked me how it felt to be back. I told them the truth of the day - not happy about it. Want to go back. Want to have never come back here. She put it pretty plainly to me, and her explanation made sense to me. She said that in Mexico the pace is slower, and here, so many people and things are just... fake. Somehow it just doesn't seem genuine to me here. I don't know if that feeling will change for me when the sun comes out again, but for now, I am feeling pretty gloomy.

I met later with Wayne at the new job, and he gave me my offer letter. I met another marketting rep, this one a lender rep who seems to be on the same page as me. We'll see how it all goes. I think it's just a matter of getting back into the swing of things. I think it will be okay. I am not nervous or anything, just feeling like how many more times am I supposed to go through this. I suppose I am most curious about how this branch is going to take to me. And how it will feel to wear hosiery all day.

I need to pt myself in a better frame of mind tonight and I am not sure how to do that. I suppose I will report back later with an update of the first day back in the "real world"...

Sunday, February 26, 2006

I fixed it

Can you tell I fixed my blog layout? It had to do with the asterisks in a post called Wrapping It Up. I'm a dork. But it looks better, though, yeah?

Today I am actively putting off going to the storage unit to get some work clothes. Forget that I don't HAVE any clothes to begin with. I start work on Tuesday so I guess that means shaving my legs at some point (is there any reason to shave when you live in the tundra and wear pants all the time?). I need to take a shower first since you know I sleep on my face and my hair looks like I saw a mouse. Then I have dinner at Shelia and Jim's at around 4pm so that should be gastronomically exceptional. Tomorrow I have more errands to run. Fuck, man. I haven't rested much but frankly I am not missing it. It's almost too cold to sleep in the day.

Not much new to report. I went to the Shafers house Friday night and drank beers with Tom and the rest of the clan, so that was good to get out of my system. The rest of the weekend was pretty much a Lifetime Television for Women movie fest. I don't even know what else is on TV since this channel is on all the time. No subtitles, though. I am losing what little Spanish I had.

Okay I have to go shower. For God's sake it's 11.

Saturday, February 25, 2006


Yeah, I'm over it.

I appreciate all the positive vibes sent my way, seriously, it helped.

So I got a job. I actually had it on Tuesday but that was my big dilemma, feeling like I wasn't being fair to First American and not giving them the chance to hire me back, but hell, they still haven't called me back and it's flipping Saturday already. I start Tuesday somewhere else. More money, better bonus structure, office at Lincoln Center. Which also sent my world spinning because I figured I would be living over by Bethany or something, and I obviously am not going to now. So yeah, it was more of a personal freak out situation because I don't really like change (uh...) and my world was sort of shaken up and thanks to all of YOU I was able to be a little more grounded and look at it from a practical point of view.

Still colder than CRAP and still not raining but I am quite sure that the minute I have to actually get up and go to work and all that the skies will open up and it won't stop until June. That's just the way I think though. I guess I better start reading Wayne Dyer and change my universe. Sigh.

Okay that is the short version but at least you are updated. I am scared to type anymore because my stolen wireless connections are weak and I am afraid I will lose this connection once again.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006


I have been presented today with an opportunity that is making me sick to my stomach. I won't say what it is just yet, but it's really eating at me. I need some sort of a sign to make me feel like I am going in the right direction. So many things will change my previous plans if I go with this decision. I know that I have put myself through some tremendous changes in the last year and a half, from the moving there and the adaptation and the living and then the planning the reentry and then the reentry itself and the let down and then this. Remember that year off and how normal and calm I was? Yeah, it's gone. What should I do? It also doesn't help that it makes me feel like it is something so permanent that I may never get back to where I feel like I want to be. But do I really REALLY want to be there? I mean for permanent? I mean, with all the rest of the stuff that goes with it? With the no money and the buggins and all that? Am I making the right decision? Was it the right decision to come back to begin with? WHAT SHOULD I DO? Shelia said to remember that nothing is forever, and I know she's right, but good Lord. Why does it feel like it is, almost? Why is THIS almost harder than the whole MOVING OUT OF THE COUNTRY thing? I just don't get it. I just don't get why I am having these feelings, the pit in my stomach, the feeling of making the wrong decision. Glory. I am gonna go to bed and sleep on it, and it's only 9:14.

I'm sure this made no sense but any good positive energy you want to send my way, feel free.

Flashback - just for content, shits and giggles

Final Two Weeks – Back to VCI

Sunday February 5, 2006

I moved into VCI again on Saturday the 4th. My room is a ground floor unit in building 6, and as I suspected, I have bug issues already. Woke up Sunday morning around 5am and found an upside-down cockroach in my bedroom doorway. It’s not a big one, but when has that ever mattered? It’s still laying in there, I am not quite sure what I am going to do with that at this point, since the good Lord knows I am not going to pick it up. No maid service today, either, but I guess I can find a maintenance guy somewhere to get it. I am half hoping that it came from one of my own suitcases, just so that I don’t have to think about another one coming in. Perhaps on my way up to go to the supermarket I will discuss the situation with the front desk. Love admitting what a wuss I am.

Anyway, Saturday was kind of a drag here. I got in here around 2:30 or so, after my IWC meeting which was after my ferry ride over from Isla Mujeres where I stayed with Victoria for 2 nights. Janet and Joe dropped me off with all of my bags and I went about the business of moving in. I have a lot of crap. I will be staying here sola until I move next Saturday, and then Sunday the 12th Cyndi will be coming. At least I think she will.

I sat on the patio about mid day thinking maybe Rhonda and Kathy were just playing a joke on me and really were coming, but as the day turned into evening and then night, they never showed. I spoke to Kim on the phone a couple of times, but other than that just chilled and made some soup and watched network TV. I didn’t go see anyone, and I will really probably only do that by circumstance. Already ran into DJ in the lobby, and of course, she asked where the other two were – I have no real explanation for it beyond “I don’t know why”, but I feel like they will all look at me as if I did something to make them not show up. I know that I didn’t (well, nothing that I am aware of anyway) but it’s that whole I-don’t-want-anyone-to-feel-sorry-for-me thing. I have a lot of hang-ups.

This morning, since I was up and staring at the not-quite-dead body of a cockroach at 5am, I went out and sat on the beach from about 5:30am to 6am. Drank a cup of coffee and stared at the ocean. It’s going to be very far away from me very soon. I wonder how I will handle being so far away. I just stared at it and tried to absorb it, tried to make a little bit of it seep into my blood stream, into my pores. I think I’ll try to keep that up.

As for now, time to put some clothes on and get myself down to the Walmarts and get some food into this villa. If I can knock it out early, I may be able to get some sun before I head out to watch the Super Bowl at Caliente with Joe and Janet. Full daylight now, I better get moving.

A shout out for help

I know that there are more web designers, programmers and other computer-related career folks out there that can help me figure out what the FUCK has gone wrong with my blog's format. I have tried, I have asked Blogger for help, I can't figure it out. I know there is now an extra strip to the right of the "rounded corner" that is supposed to be the edge of the body of the blog but I don't know a) where it came from and b) how to get rid of it. CAN SOMEONE HELP ME? If you think you can, please let me know. It is driving me nuts. I can tell you how to get in to the edit portion of this thing to do it. Leave me a comment or send me an email.

Thanks. I thought I would be smart when I got back here but it appears it hasn't happened yet.

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Back, in the tundra

Oh my hell. Well, my reentry to the land of the free was a shocking one. I really wasn't expecting it to be 25 degrees when I landed at PDX, but sure enough, it was. And still is. No sweatshirt or jacket, no close-toed shoes for me! Long sleeves and Birks, isn't that what everyone wears in February? Christ, it was cold at the airport! I seriously thought I was going to lose a finger.

I made it in relatively on time, perhaps 10 minutes late, which is pretty dang good considering that I almost missed my morning flight. Just because you get up at 4am to catch an 8:15 flight, don't think karma isn't going to be right there with you. I waited til the last minute to pull my passport out of the safe at VCI and sure enough, for the first time in recorded history the safe was broken and wouldn't open. Much bedlam and pleading for assistance from Jose, Jeremias and my two known spirit guides later, and I am being raced to the airport at break-neck speed in the family truckster. I made it there at about 7:16am (which, isn't it a law where you have to get there exactly one full hour prior to your international flight or you simply can't fly? My flight was scheduled for 8:15...). I pleaded with the ticket agent and was successful (you know, she really wasn't that hard to convince) but it was probably because Arturo was just getting off shift and was standing behind me waiting to say good bye. Was she so easy because I know an immigraton officer? Who knows, maybe. But the good news was, I got to say good bye to Arturo and got to get on the plane.

More good news - I had approximately 186 pounds of luggage between my three suitcases and was ultimately only charged for the overweight on one of them ($50 US all the way through). I was really expecting to be charged for all three of them as they were all over by at least 3 pounds (the one I was charged for was actually 79 pounds - the suitcase empty has to weigh 40 pounds). Then from Phoenix to Portland I paid $100 to upgrade to first class just so I could sleep a little more comfortably. Remember when first class meant food on real plates and warm wash cloths and your soda in glasses? I just got a better assortment of nuts. But it was still worth it.

Yeah, so, Barbie picked me up and we collected my 180 + pounds of luggage and made our way to the car. We stopped at Albertsons for a coffee and some chips and salsa (perhaps the Raleigh Hills Albertsons is not the best choice for Mexican food. Now Nancy, on the other hand, would have loved the selections in their ethnic food aisle. It's just a regional thing.). After a bit we bundled up again and went to Casa Colima for some grub (again, not what I was hoping. The owners are friends of mine, though I did not see them nor even try to see them, and Colima is a western state in Mexico, so if you are jonesing for a chimichanga or a hard shell taco, come on down. Don't expect to find anything hotter than a jalapeno, either). I did get some decent sopa de albondigas and even spoke some Spanish...

My car is dead. Needs an alternator. Which, if I replace it, will be alternator number 3 for a car that I have driven for a year and a half. What the heck is that all about? My mom told me I could borrow hers though til I figure out what the heck I am going to do, so that's nice. In the light of the morning I still have no idea what I am going to do. Perhaps someone could TELL me what to do.. I guess I will call for work beginning Tuesday and see what develops.

Today I will go see my brother, my mom, the Lexus dealership with Barbie, and Washington Square. I figure between these destinations I should run past perhaps 14 Starbucks, so I will get my fill of that. I have to get some sweaters and socks from Kathy's house as well so I suppose I should phone over there at some point, but it's early and she'll be asleep for a while. I am not kidding you when I tell you it is 28 degrees right now (typing that just gave me a chill). Enjoy the heat in Cancun, dear readers, I remain jealous as all hell. Thank God it's sunny and clear, I am not sure I could handle this in the rain.

Ciao for now, I will be back. I hope you continue to watch, you know, it's not like my life is still not traumatic...

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Last entry from Los Picos #4...

Today Martha is coming over to get my modem and take it to Cablemas so I can get my final bill from them. So after about 4pm I will no longer have internet access (which isn't really true since I can use a cafe or the business center from VCI). I move over to Isla with Vic tomorrow so I will definitely be away from the net then, but I'll remain in touch while I am in the zh.

I can't believe I am only here another 2 1/2 weeks. I have no idea what the future has in store for me back in Oregon. I know it will be a little mini-adventure - it has to be. I hope to HELL I get a job.

Victoria and her man went on a timeshare presentation at the Mayan Palace yesterday, so they ferried over around 9am and were at that resort for a long while. I hate those things, and I especially hate Mayan Palace - they are just ruthless and so deceptive. He already owned and was wanting to upgrade to be able to use his time at Grand Mayan resorts - after like 3 hours they ended up selling him more Mayan Palace - which started the process all over again. Vic called me at like 12:45 and said - okay, we're just about done, go ahead and we'll meet you at the beach outside the bus station (the MP people were going to then get Vic and Duane down to Playa for the rest of the day so we planned on me meeting them down there). I get dressed, am out the door, on the bus minutes after arriving at the depot, and am in Playa at about 2:15. Walk down to the beach, no Vic. She has a bum knee so it's not like she could get very far. I walked up and down a few streets and around the beach areas, etc, still couldn't find them. Around 3:15 I sat down and thought I would give them another 1/2 hour, and if they didn't show up I would just go back home. Then the phone rang.

Apparently they were still at the MP - they discovered they were not getting what they wanted so they cancelled the one deal and started on another. It was done as she was phoning. I told her I would wait at the bar at the beach there (Las Piñatas). Two beers later they arrived (flipping $42 pesos for 1 beer, good Christ), and Duane went off to the beach while Vic and I shopped. She bought a couple of fun jewelery items and then later we went back to Las Piñatas and had some dinner. Our waiter was engaging and after we were leaving he pulled me over to the bar and gave me a shot of tequila. Is it stamped on my forehead or something?

Back on the bus and back to Cancun by 9:15, I was home by 9:30pm. It was a longish day in some aspects. They are coming back to Cancun today to do something, not sure what, and I would really like to not have anything to do today, but I think I am out of luck on that one. Anyway you slice it I have to be back here by 4pm to give Martha the modem.

By the way, I submitted a help request to Blogger Support for the whole sidebar issue I have going on, not sure why it is all the way at the bottom of the page, but hopefully it will be fixed soon.

Perhaps I will post again from VCI.

Ciao ~ the last post EVER from Los Picos #4, Depto 432... ¡Que triste!