Surprise!

If Blogger hadn't changed their format on me a couple of posts ago, and if I had a bit more motivation to look for where they put the "edit posts" area now, I could tell you how long it's been since I've blogged.  I gotta tell you, it's a pain in the ass now.  For me anyway.  And since I haven't been blogging very much lately (...), I forget how and where and shit.  Plus too I'm still using Internet Explorer, and apparently Blogger isn't digging that, so I have to start up Chrome to blog, and yeah, I know it's only a couple of additional clicks, but still, pain in the ass.

This is not to say that TtheD is dead.  It can't be.  There is still plenty more T and D ahead of me.  But until I get used to it, or have a shit load of time to convert it to another situation (like WordPress or something, I obviously don't know the names of these things), this is just going to be the way it is.

And again, THOUSANDS of things come up where I think, wow, total blog material.  I've even taken to writing little notes on my iPhone to remind me, but, as is the case this morning, I'm updating my iPhone right now and can't get to the notes.  Of course.  So I'm muddling through and now you know why it's been so long since you've been blessed with a new post.

A post, I might add, that I actually had in mind before I started explaining why it's such a pain in the ass anymore to blog.  Because this wasn't supposed to be it.  Hm.  What was it.

Well, my notes are now available, so here are a couple of the ideas - one has to do with hating one's job and how that turns into hating people (that's a generality, by the way).  Another (okay, THE other, there's only two) has to do with petty people and the inexplicable reasons why a person would try to make another person feel like shit about something they just told you.

Cryptic.  And blogworthy, don't get me wrong.  But I'm not feeling either of those topics right now.  I have a vacation coming up soon, maybe I'll convert the blog and THEN write about it.

Have I told you how I feel like I live in the 'hood?  I live in a nice area, actually, and my complex is quiet and  clean and all that, but I live off Murray Boulevard (I always want to just abbreviate that word, but it looks grammatically incorrect when I do), and, seriously, there are sirens ALL the TIME.  I can't tell the difference between ambulances, firetrucks and the po-po, but any way you slice it, always with the sirens (as a matter of fact, that's what I say.  Any time I hear one I turn into a Jewish woman from Long Island and sigh "Always with the sirens..".).  I don't know what it is about a 45mph four lane suburban street (boulevard.  No, blvd) (no.) that inspires people to drive 90mph, but that's Murray.  Last winter some kid was doing about 85, lost control (of course), hit one of those little tree islands they have there for looks or whatever, flipped, sailed into the yard of a house across the street, and managed to survive (his passenger, however, did not, and the memorial for her is still wrapped around the little tree there).  It was like 8pm or something.  Where's the fire?  If you were looking to impress her it kind of went about as far south as it could go.  I'm pretty sure he's in jail now, so there's two lives lost.  Anyway, my point is, either people are speeding (more so than me, I probably only get up to about 52 and that's at 4am), having a heart attack or bursting into flames, but it's all up in my 'hood and makes me kinda feel like I live in the ghetto.

Sooo, that being said, there isn't that much new REALLY, I mean, there's some stuff, but nothing you want to hear about, and I'm alright with that.  It's been sunny, a plus, and it stays light really late (another plus, except I go to bed at 9pm - broad daylight.  You know that's what I'm saying when I'm wrapping up the house before bed every night - "Broad daylight."), and it is my sole directive today to get a pedicure, because at this point my toe nails are so long I could pretty much hang upside down from a tree, and in theory I'm going to the Beaverton Farmers' Market this morning too, and tanning, and then whatever.

But at least I feel good that I surprised you with this.
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Editor's note:  A) I published and now I can see that it's been since April 26 and also where the flipping "edit posts" area went and B) I totally just remembered what I was going to blog about this morning.  It was kind of good, too.

Ten minutes

I got up way earlier than I normally would on a non-gym day and now I find myself with ten minutes more than normal.  So why not blog?  (the answers to that are far too numerous to count, but I'll forge ahead)

It's been a busy week, especially since I'm in LT, which I lovingly refer to as the circus (though, to be truthful, it hasn't been very circus-like in recent months, not sure why that is, unless I'M the reason it's the circus and they're getting tired of me..), but I have managed to have some fun, which is important.  Going to bed at 9pm and getting up at 3:45am sort of sucks the life out of the whole gig, but I manage.  To some degree.  I can't wait to go home tonight so I can just sit in front of the TV for longer than forty minutes.  I haven't done that in a while.

I got my hair cut last week, and it's shorter than it's been, and looks a little madman-ish, but I can pull that off.  Plus I got a little hammered over the weekend and lost my favorite ring.  Which sucks.  Luckily the suckyness was offset by some much needed stress-release and a banging good time (take that however you want) so I'm not all beat up about it.  Sometimes you have to take the bad with the fabulous, I've learned.

Also did something completely out of character and drove to the east side spontaneously (spontaneity is quickly losing its grip in my reality these days) to meet a friend and THAT was completely and totally worth every second (every second remains with me and will for a long time, so it's the spontaneous gift that keeps on giving).

I bought three sweaters (Sping/Summer weight) since last we spoke, as well as all the other mundane things I do on a normal basis, tan, gym, lackluster attempts at cleaning.. but I also got TWO presents at work, presented three, and there is a strong possibility there will be cake today.

So it's been a good run this last week and a half, and I'm hoping it, like the somewhat Spring-like weather, lasts.  Good attitude is all it takes, right?  I'm going to run with it.  It seems to be working.

Recapping that which is not remembered

How many times and in how many different ways do I sit down here in the dark of a Saturday morning and say "There were a thousand different blog ideas that popped up in my head this week but I can no longer remember what they are."? Seriously, if the government ever streamlines mind reading and Facebook makes it public, you guys would be ROLLING ON THE FLOOR laughing. Because this shit is funny. I just can't remember it. One day.

It was an all-over-the-map kind of week, post-random vacation, where I look back at Monday and think, Wow, was that really just LAST Monday? It ended up on a somewhat sour note, however, due to the questioning of my integrity by someone who matters (in the work-place) and the fact that some how all my hair cut appointments were wiped clean from the booking system at Evolution, which means I am now officially a hippie. You can't even believe how long my hair is. The color is fabulous, sure, but it's so long that I cannot do a thing with it. I did get a fun new product though, so that's some compensation, but as I sit here right now, I am fully aware that no amount of product will make this bedraggled, mushroom-shaped pile of fur look as fabulous as it has in my mind for the last 40 years.

So that's how I start out my favorite part of the week, early Saturday morning: alternately distressed about people talking smack about me and bemoaning my beat up ends.

And thinking I should book Wisconsin.

Wisconsin?

That's right. Wisconsin. Currently the only vacation I have planned right now. It's April. By now I should have at LEAST one sun-filled trip on the agenda, preferably two. I have plenty of room in my vacation savings to knock one out, and yet here I sit, not thinking about it (well, I'm thinking about it, but not enough to put anything in action). A travel agency (of all things) moved in down the hall from Lincoln Tower and every time I pass it (and I pass it often) I think, I should pop in there and just tell them to find me something. I don't know how Marita does it, looking up all that hotel business and airfare and amenities and tying it in to a nice little vacation package. I look at one bundled package and am instantly exhausted and ready for a nap. Maybe if someone else just did it for me it'd actually happen this year. Maybe what I should really be focusing on is "less think-y more do-y". Is there such a thing as a New Month Resolution? There should be. Just like there should be such a thing as a Spinster Shower. Things that make perfect sense but would never stick. When I come back as the ruler of the world in the next life, those two things will be on my agenda.

I'm open for any ideas of a fabulous vacation destination, by the way. Just do the basic research for me and I'll try to add to it.

Next week I'm in Beaverton, where I haven't been in a while, not since I'm pretty sure I was a big part of one of Candace's clients' having a stroke. In my mind anyway. But it's not like I hold on to these things or anything. Like the incident yesterday regarding my integrity. If you're Catholic, you'll understand why, even though I KNOW I didn't do anything wrong, I still feel like shit about it. If you're not Catholic, this is not an opportunity to give me advice. Nothing will ever change what goes on inside my head.

Which is why, though I intend to quit smoking, I am not sure how I am going to do it. The only thing I have ever tried is hypnosis - one time it stuck and the other time it didn't. People keep talking up the Chantix but EVERYone talks about the crazy dreams (there are some who have experienced every side effect listed, and others who only farted a lot, but EVERYone says their dreams were crazy), and I'm not kidding you, my dreams are crazy enough without chemical embellishment. I'm terrified about what could happen with it. It's kind of funny, though, because I tend to discuss the Chantix and it's fabulous success while outside smoking with a coworker. So, you know, how effective can it really be..?

So that's my check in for the week. If I were a real writer I'd be writing down those ideas. Maybe I'll start using Siri to remind me of ideas, I mean, what the hell, I paid her $200 for the privilege of being in my purse, she might as well do something for me. Besides arguing with me like she does. I hope your Saturday and the upcoming week treat you well. For me, let's hope it brings me a new opportunity to chronicle the hilarity that ensues daily, if only in my head.

What I did on my random vacation

I didn't have an assignment these last four days so I spontaneously (about a month ago) decided to take them off. It's too hard to find an empty seat in the branches these days (well, not anymore, but that's not what I talk about here necessarily), and that closet wasn't going to get cleaned on any regular weekend, so here I am.

Except now it's Thursday, so really it's "there I was".

I did a lot of lounging, not gonna lie. That's why I work my ass off - so that I can lounge.

In no particular order, I went shopping, road tripped to Eugene, nearly lost my computer to something I stupidly clicked on, killed an enormous black spider in my living room, went shopping some more, cleaned out my closet, organized my sweatshirts, put together shelving, did laundry, cleaned the kitchen, mopped the floors, scrubbed the bathroom, got a mammogram, went to the gym, ran a bunch of errands, got my toes done, went out to dinner, got my nose waxed (and eyebrows and lip of course), and drove when I shouldn't have.

Because even in my leisure, I shouldn't be driving half the time. Why? Because people piss me off more than they do not out there and I will never understand what goes through their heads when they grab the keys to their cars and set out to do whatever it is that requires they drive. I have incredible road rage that comes on like a house afire, with my sole purpose being to let that other driver know exactly what I think of them. I'm pretty sure I invented some new swear words this week.

But the best part of these last four days has been that I haven't had to really DO much of anything that required making life-changing decisions (other people's lives, to be clear), I didn't have to get up at 4am, and I didn't have to go to bed at 9pm. I didn't have to answer two sets of emails, I didn't have to pick up the phone, and I didn't have to schedule any appointments. It was all me.

But it's Thursday, so it's over, and tomorrow I go back to being Work Me. It was nice while it lasted.

Things

Current buzz words that annoy the crap out of me right now, for obvious and maybe not so obvious reasons:

- Whole grain
- Organic
- Flash mob
- Sustainable
- Soccer mom*

Things that pissed me off this week:

- Cold, wet, rainy, dreary rain
- Snow
- In March
- In Portland
- That stupid lot line adjustment
- Dating documents for the 22nd when you told the doc drawer 178 times that the borrowers were signing on the 21st
- Traffic
- Leaving work early to go to Gaila's retirement party and sitting on 26 for 45 minutes to go 3 miles then turning around and giving up after an hour
- Mistaking the egg beaters carton for the half-and-half** carton and pouring it in my coffee
- Having to go to the New Seasons and spend $7 on a pair of socks because my feet have been cold since 2008
- Having the heat on full blast in every room in March
- Not being able to execute a decent blog post

Things that made me laugh this week:

- Cece finding out (from me) that she is turning 50 this year (and I'm the one that can't do math)
- "Does Rose Kennedy have a black dress?"
- Taking out my aggression on the 27 year old Asian
- Planning Joyce!Fest in Wisconsin

I'm in dire need of some sun. And an attitude adjustment.
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* It's been around a long time but I'll never stop hating it. And them.
** It was organic half-and-half. I was forced into buying it and it cost $1 more than regular half-and-half.

My monthly.

I used to call St. Patrick's Day my Christmas. Back in the day I put my whole heart and soul into it - taking the afternoon of and the morning after off when it fell mid-week, getting up extra early and being the first at the door of the local Irish pub when it fell on a weekend. These days I consider it Amateur Night and can't be bothered to even go out sober. Yesterday I just watched it unfold on Facebook, though I WAS invited out by a few people. It was somewhat comforting to sit in my houseclothes and watch the pictures and posts degenerate as the day wore on. I did buy some soda bread, though, since I was far too lazy to make it myself. It was too sweet. And really all I wanted was bread. Merry Christmas - I woke up this morning at 5:15 and made it to the gym with no headache. Things have certainly changed.

So what have I been up to in the last month? Not much, you know, it's winter. But I did have an encounter with a friend from long ago that suddenly turned up from Florida or wherever he last was. Though it was good to see him, it strengthens my belief that in some cases, the past needs to stay in the past. Better to have a good memory than have someone come back with their baggage and bitterness that ultimately tarnishes the good. I kept telling him you can't go back, but he's a thick-headed Englishman and he never listened to me anyway. The good news is he doesn't have my phone number (don't give it to him, Tom) so I won't have to avoid foreign numbers.

Also, it's Armageddon here in the Pacific Northwest, in case any of you were wondering. It's colder than crap and when I left GNG's condo just now I think it was snowing. But it's 82 in Fond du Lac, Wisconsin and I'm pretty sure Marita is wearing flip flops, so somebody please just try to convince me that it ISN'T Armageddon. Seriously. Just try.

I should be throwing on real clothes right now and running to work to catch myself up, but I'm not. It's dreary out, I've already accomplished a lot around here in terms of housecleaning (as much as can be expected from me) and frankly I could nap.

(I've just discovered the secret to why I don't blog as much anymore - every time I get on the dang computer and start typing, Seca comes in, climbs up on my one remaining suitcase, and starts howling while she claws the crap out of it. Besides being annoying, it's pissing me off because I don't want to have to buy another suitcase and hide it in the car.)

So, there, Cece and Becky, and anyone else. I blogged. There's no content as usual, and I took a big break after the first paragraph (about an hour ago I was fired up to write and now, meh, not so much), so this is what you get. Maybe when it's actually Spring and it starts to warm up I'll have some adventures that I'll be dying to tell you about, but for now, it could be time to warm up the easy chair. Will you know whether or not I made it in to work today? Probably not. But then again, anticipation is sometimes better than the actual result.

It's supposed to be a time to de-stress.

So it turns out, I'm really popular at work. Everybody wants me in their office. I'm sure it has everything to do with my sharp wit and intellect, but deep down I think it has more to do with the fact that people want to take vacation.

Because that's what I do: someone takes a vacation, I cover their desk. It's certainly not easy, but I never turn down a challenge. Plus it works really well with the commitment issues. And the short attention span.

For some reason this year as the new calendar year loomed, people started getting almost competitive with their vacation days (which I naturally assume means they are all fighting over having ME in their branches). It came down to the branch managers meeting with their manager about coverage and who would get what and when and how would they solve the problem of overlapping vacations. Because if you don't use your vacation after a period of time, you lose it (never happens to me). And there are a LOT of escrow folks out there who are on the brink of losing theirs.

But really, this isn't the important part (or the part that would inspire me to sit down in my small window of "me" time before bedtime on a Thursday night). The important part stems from about seventy five people wanting to take Spring Break off because they have kids in various stages of schooling. Only one person is going to get coverage, so the managers have to figure out how to handle it.

As a single person, I've never taken the "family" type holidays as my vacation time. I'm more of a middle-of-the-winter kind of girl, mostly because I get so sick of being cold that I want to go somewhere warm. I have always deferred the Christmas/Thanksgiving/Spring Break/Mid Summer/Labor Day/Memorial Day/Fourth of July weekend situations to those otherwise encumbered by spouses and/or offspring. Because I'm nice. I was raised with good manners. Plus I don't have to wait for my kid or husband to get time off to do something fun; I was smart enough to keep things simple and therefore do things on MY agenda.

So recently someone mentioned that a coworker with no children wanted to take vacation during a holiday week more commonly suited to families. She was laughed at; well, maybe not LAUGHED at, but poo-poo'd at, like, Oh don't be silly. YOU don't need that time off, YOU don't have any CHILDREN.. and all the hens with overworked uteruses (uteri?) cackled amongst themselves and the request was ignored.

And THAT, my friends, is what pisses me off.

Because I chose NOT to reproduce, I get the sloppy seconds. I'll never have a party where everyone gives you a bunch of free shit because I got knocked up or decided to completely surrender my independence to some guy, and I'll never get to take advantage of maternity leave. Now you want to take away my major holidays? That's right. I have the financial means and complete freedom to spend Christmas skiing in Aspen, or celebrating Independence Day in Washington DC, or Saint Patrick's Day in New York (or Spring Break in Cancun... but yeah, you know I don't want to do that..). But because I have no children, the very reason why I have so much money and freedom, I CAN'T take these holidays. I think that is the most absurd and discriminatory thing ever. I'm mostly serious. I mean, I've been nice for the past thirty years because I have always had the flexibility of taking my vacations whenever I want to; but to have someone poo poo this coworker of mine like she didn't DESERVE a specific week simply because she wasn't stupid enough to have kids?

Wrong. It's wrong, and it pisses me off. And I, for one, can do something about it. I fully intend to request Spring Break week, the week around July 4, Labor Day weekend and a couple of days around it, and the last two full weeks in December as my vacation. For next year. Because this year I'm already booked on everyone else's desks.