Here I am!

I am so lagging behind...

Sorry I haven't blogged consistently but you have to understand how insanely mundane my existance is here.

Friday I left work at 4 to get my hair cut and colored. Becky left me a message so I phoned her back when I got done, around 6:45, and met her directly at Ernesto's. It was old home week. She had become friendly with some old-timers that know my brothers well, and we figured that out after much conversation. Miller arrived as well and gave me a ticket to his retirement party, which of course coincides with a wedding that I am going to. Can't believe he is retiring. Sheesh. I'll try to hit both.

We left Ernesto's (when I say "old home week" I mean OLD home week. There is absolutely NO WHERE to go for young folks in Beaverton - at least my side of Beaverton) around 8 and wound up at The Cheerful Pit Stop, another one of those Cheerful bars (not that it's a cheerful bar - it's a Cheerful bar, meaning there are a few of them and they all start with Cheerful. Because frankly, cheerful it is not). We sat down and ordered a pitcher and a few minutes later karaoke started (because you know what? You cannot swing a dead cat in this town without hitting a karaoke bar), and the first singer was an Axl Rose wanna-be and I don't mean that in a good way. The line up for the rest of the singers wasn't looking much better. A few minutes more and I heard my name being yelled and a guy in a baseball cap waving his arms at me... since I don't normally notice things, I didn't expect it to be anyone, but it turns out it was our Sol. I haven't seen him since like May and he was there with his girlfriend, so Becky and I joined them. You know it's always good to see you, Sol (he's a reader), you have to remember to not be such a stranger.

We hung out with them until they left, putting up with the constant flow of songs-I've-never-heard-before while casually flirting with various and sundry patrons - a variety I wouldn't normally put up with. I never go out. Seriously. So ultimately the night ended with a little harmless make out sessions and AS USUAL, I got home at 4. I wonder what it looks like at 2am in my apartment? I'm usually either in bed sleeping or somewhere flipping else. One day I will find out.

Saturday that Kim and I went shopping at DSW. She phoned at about 9:15 (normal not-drunk-Joyce would have been up for 2 hours by then), and we agreed to meet at 10:30 at her house. I made it. Honestly I was still a little drunk, but the flip side to this would have been sleeping on the couch all day, so I am glad I got the push. It was a beautiful day (actually not going to complain about the weather the last week or so - dry, cold, blue sky - I love it). We shopped at DSW, then went over to Sweet Tomato for some grubbin, then hit the Target. I think I got home around 3:30. Took a swan dive onto the couch and napped until 4:30, then brushed myself off and went to the grocery store. All in all a pretty productive day.

Can't say the same for Sunday so I simply will not.

Work is busy since it's month end and I am getting docs all of a sudden by the truck load. It's actually been my best month so far, and why not? It's almost been a year. Something has GOT to give because I am growing weary of escrow and trying to make people happy. It's hard to make other people happy when you really aren't that happy yourself. But I got some brief news today that might bring a change to my demeanor, and I will just keep my fingers crossed and my mouth closed for now. I would love you all to keep your fingers crossed for me, too, just in case.

So that's it in a nutshell. After months of zero social life I have made out with 2 different strangers in 2 weeks, drank my weight in Coors Lite, and am breaking all manner of records in the nap department. It's nothing to be proud of, but right now, it appears to be my life...

It just gets darker and more bitter

So last week at this time it was flipping 28 degrees and there was snow all over the ground, and today it was 52. It's no wonder I'm sick.

I called in sick Monday, and I am NEVER SICK. I started feeling crappy about mid afternoon on Sunday and by Monday morning I was not well. I still am not up to par. I think I am getting a sinus infection, but I put myself on amoxicillin at the first sign of aching teeth. Thanks to that Becky I may have the dosage down right. I guess you will know if I never blog again. Just assume that my face blew up.

So what to talk about? What to say? Work is never going to change. I am a bit busier thanks to Everardo, who I avoided for a good few months when I got back. But now that he knows for sure where I am he has been opening file upon file with me. It's good too because they are closing. A plus. A lot of you don't understand what I do for a living, and that's fine. Just remember that closing stuff is good. You'll be fine.

I am still having problems with my subdivision, and I feel that they may never end. It's sort of cyclical, those problems, and today I was heaped with a big one. So it sucks because I am having a fairly groovy month end numbers-wise, and now I have to deal with this crap. I shouldn't be surprised.

Oh, good news, my friends Marita and Dave booked for May! Which means I am diligently searching for air fare. But for the love of God, MAY? That's like saying, Yay, my next trip is in 2008! It's like forever away! But soon it will become something to look forward to, and that, I feel, is what is missing from my life right now. Between now and then... what should I do? I need something, a goal, something fun or at least mildly interesting, to keep me going. Maybe I will dust off the dang novel and start working on that again. Maybe I'll submit something I have written to some local magazines like another Becky suggested. Maybe I'll go tanning again. Or just shave my legs. Just something.

I am looking forward to Saturday, however, as Kim and I will be making a Target and DSW run. That should be fun. Something different. And shoes, you know I need 'em. Maybe if I get some new shoes my marketing rep will market me. Maybe that's it! She doesn't like my shoes! Considering that just one pair of my Danskos cost more than she has spent on purses IN HER LIFE, she should bloody well like my shoes. Bitch.

Committing to blogging twice a week sort of brings out the scarey side of me, doesn't it? Imagine working with me.

Nothing new to report

I haven't posted in a while because there is NOTHING GOING ON. I have decided, however, that having SOMETHING going on is almost worse than nothing. I went out with Becky on Friday night, something I have been sort of doing off and on, and though we have some fun, it pretty much ruins the whole next day because I don't go to bed until like 4am. This time it was 4:30. We went out and ended up at Mandarin Cove (it used to be the Trianon) which has become Becky's local. I actually sang, if that tells you anything about my state of mind. Not to mention we met these two white guys and ultimately ended up at MY place, not good since I never have anyone in here and lately I have not had a keen eye on keeping it clean. Especially the floors. The floor in the bathroom, specifically. I shed. A LOT. And no, I didn't have sex. The guy I "ended up" with looked too much like Jared from Subway to me and I couldn't get past it. I mean I made out with him a little but it was only out of boredom. And Becky was making out with the other guy on my sofa and frankly the only way I could see getting these guys out of my house was by making out a little and then pushing them out. Which I did. At 4am. Lord.

Consequently that set the stage for my Saturday. One would think I would have popped out of bed and gotten to scrubbing the floors but no, I got up, drank three pitchers of water and lounged most of the day away. My car was still over in Becky's lot (not far but far enough) so my only goal of the day was to go get it, which I did at around 5pm. See?

So the snow thing was minor enough. Heather drove me to work again on Wednesday (the streets still had issues) and we worked all day, and by Thursday it was fine enough for me to get my own car out of the lot. Back to normal. Now there is some snow but just that ugly patchy stuff on barkdust and areas that don't see much sunlight. I gotta say this has been the coldest winter we have had since I can remember, but that might not be saying much, because I tend to block unpleasant thoughts. So maybe it's always like this. I don't know.

Work has started to pick up a little for me, which I think is good, but I am still very disheartened. The stupid girl who doesn't like my clothes is coming back on Monday - she doesn't work in my branch but I am not sure if she will be in touch with me. I need to figure out how to handle her. Like do I confront her? Or do I ignore her. If she calls/emails, do I just tell her I am too busy for her? I'm just not sure. Maybe after I finish cleaning I will sit down and think about it.

Because I DID pop up this morning and clean the bathroom and the kitchen. Now I just have to sweep and vacuum and scrub floors. You can see why I'm blogging. But I will. Even if I WAS drunk and that guy DID look like Jared, I was still mortified to have him in my house.

Snow day!

So it's been colder than crap here lately, not very normal for us here in the Pacific Northwest, at least not consistently. But it's been like in the high 20s, clear and dry for the last week maybe (I actually did buy a coat), and after a 3 day weekend of more of the same, this morning I woke up at my usual 5:05, looked out the window and saw a dusting of snow over my parking lot and car. It wasn't too bad so I went about business as usual. By the time 6:45 rolled around and I was in theory ready to go, it was worse. I decided to wait a bit. By 7am, Heather phoned and said she would come get me in her Subaru because it was probably better if her car got stuck in a ditch than mine, since she has 3 between her and Chris and I just have the 1. So we left my house finally around 8:30am (clearly getting to work wasn't an enormous priority for either one of us), and here is a small photo log of our journey.

For my Cancunense readers, the Target (not the one you went to, Kim, this is the one near the mall).
This is driving down Hall just as you are turning left from Scholls Ferry Road (in front of the Target, actually. It's when I realized I had my camera).
We're already late, let's get a coffee. You know where.


This picture was taken about 11am out of my office window. The snow was letting up and they had agreed to release us at noon (or earlier if you felt you might have driving issues. We left at 11:30am).

So from work Heather and I went and picked up Chris at home and went to find some lunch. The Tilly was closed, as was Raccoon Lodge, so we opted for Si Señor - surprisingly good chili colorado - in the Raleigh Hills Fred Meyer parking lot. It was pretty busy. After lunch they dropped me off and now I sit here, mid-day again, home. I feel like I haven't worked in a month.

Portland isn't used to a lot of bad weather, and they are calling for freezing rain on top of this mess. There were a lot of spinning out cars and Tri-Met buses in turmoil. The Subaru (and Heather) was a champ, though, so we had no issues. But it's nice to be in houseclothes so early in the work day!

Disappointed

People continue to disappoint me.

It hasn't been the greatest of days around here. I am finding that the only people who seem to "get" me are my clients. And even though I am intent on firing a long-time one next week, for the most part they are good, smart, considerate people. They want their business closed and they want someone with a little personality and skill to do it. The one I am firing has his good points, but I am tired of putting up with his crap, and so therefore I am parting company after 10 years. That's life.

You know, it's not like I can afford to fire a client. I feel like I am back at Brand X. Can't seem to get marketed. And it's funny, too, because like I said, the only people I am really gelling with these days are clients. So figure that one out.

Our marketing department is designed to go out and get us clients. Back when I started in this business, we were all pretty busy and didn't have time to do lunches and all that stuff. The marketing reps did it. I had a great rep when I was at the first company I worked for, AnnaMarie. Oh my hell. She fucking rocked. She could walk into any office and own it. She just had that ease. She brought me more business than anyone I have ever worked with, and she was enormous fun. After I left that company and came to First Am, I had a newbie rep hired into the Hillsboro office (she's still with the company). I had plenty of business (but never say no to more) and I told her - I am too busy to go out and about. I will do appreciation lunches but not "I want your business" lunches. You bring them to the door and I will keep them here. She never really got it. She continued to harp on me about going out. My feeling is, if they haven't given you any business, why do they get a free lunch? They haven't done anything yet!

Like I said, she's still with the company and she is still doing the same thing. She doesn't sell the closer. She won't cold call and all she wants to do is go to lunch. Today she came in to meet with me about our goals for this year (whatever, like it makes a flipping difference), and when I vetoed just about everything she threw at me client-wise and told her what WOULD bring me the business, she changed the subject. Later I found out that a few weeks ago she slammed me pretty hard to another couple of reps. The reason why she can't market me is because I am still wearing clothes I wore 2 years ago. I am not kidding you.

So what I am finding is that if you are a marketing rep in my company, you can pretty much do what you want, not produce and still stay employed.

As for me, I get to NOT have any orders and NOT get any new business and hope like hell that when layoffs are mentioned again (and they were mentioned today) I am not on the block. It's a vicious circle - don't want to spend my money on new clothes in case I get laid off, but will probably get laid off if I wear slacks from 2004.

Disappointing.

Basking in the After-Mani-Glow

Really good concert tonight. Barry Manilow at the Rose Garden. I figured I wouldn't be home til midnight, but it's only 11:21p so I thought I would share. Seriously, his voice is as clear and strong as it was 30 years ago.

He's not much to look at but MAN can he sing.

....sigh....

Bugged into coat shopping

The weather report has been calling for rain all weekend and though the street is still wet, I see no puddles and therefore no raindrops falling in the puddles. Today I am going to go shopping. I may even buy a coat. Somebody told me there are sales at Burlington Coat Factory. Even typing that out makes me a little scared.

I have a Macy's gift card from work and I guess it's time I used it. I could use some work clothes. Knowing me I will go and find nothing along the lines of work clothes but all manner of other stuff. That's cool.

Yesterday I had a somewhat productive Saturday for a change. I think I was inspired by what I found in the sink on Friday night. Mother of God. Mother of GOD. Seriously my bowels just loosened a little bit recalling it.

So I'm home from work, home from the wax appointment where I actually ran into my sister Shelia (I have no problem with the chance encounters, it's the organized events that bother me). I'm relaxed, I'm somewhat hairless (let's not speak of my legs, I think I am trying to beat some sort of record), I have some Netflix movies, not to mention the America's Next Top Model marathon that has exploded all over my DVR. It's sort of crappy out, I've had a tough week, the house clothes are on and I am all about relaxing.

I routinely am in and out of my kitchen, bathroom and bedroom on a night like this (is it possible to develop late-stage Adult ADD?), and I have been in the kitchen quite a bit since I've been home - getting water, getting some dinner, stuff like that. I guess my point is that up until this point I have not noticed anything out of the ordinary - and trust me I have some serious spi-dar (which of course is just as useful for spotting bugs). On this particular trip into the kitchen, however, there in the sink next to the glass that inexplicably developed a crack in the middle of it and that I put in the sink to throw out with my trash one of these weeks, is ... SOMETHING. I zero in (you know, I don't ever actually LOOK at the spider/bug - I usually look just to the side of it and rely on my periphial to assess what level of panic I need to shoot for), and see that there are legs, it's upside down and not moving (don't look at me like I don't know about bugs playing possum), it's sort of a bronze color, and it's not a spider. Oh my HELL.

You know how when you are trying to avoid a car accident and your first instinct is to step on the brake/put your hand over the horn? In a situation like this, my hand immediately reaches for the Raid can that is ALWAYS out just in case. I proceed to blast. Yeah, hello, I am SO onto you, buddy, as your little legs go waving in the air because you are NOT DEAD AFTER ALL, ARE YOU? Call ME a foo'... I manage to gather the little pebbles of courage that are scattered about in the fray of sheer panic and lean over to turn on the faucet at full blast, but alas, the almost-broken glass is running interference and the bug just sort of slides slowly, painfully toward the drain (certainly not fast enough for me). In this stage of blasting Raid and not so blasting water, I am seeing this thing for what it may or may not be - it could be a cockroach (I DID have a bag of trash hanging from the pantry door handle waiting to be taken out if it ever stopped raining - cockroaches here are only in it for the garbage, unlike Cancun, where they are just THERE), it could be some sort of beetle that came in with me (shuddering) on my purse (or in my hair) or something (rocking back and forth). It could be a dragon. All I know is that the motherfucker is NOT GOING DOWN THE DRAIN FAST ENOUGH. I take the dish brush thingie and bat at the glass, and finally a surge of water pushes the beast into the drain. I flick on the garbage disposal and I am not kidding you, I heard it chewing. I left it on for a very long time. Very long.

By this time I am a jangling mess of nerves and panic and I am flying around the kitchen looking for more, under the sink and in the cupboards and in the oven and EVERYWHERE. If it was a cockroach there would have been more. I think (I am trying to make myself feel better but that's okay) it was just some crazy beetle. Because though this place is messy, it isn't DIRTY and here, that's what cockroaches like. Unless like my downstairs neighbors have them and one just decided to find its way through the plumbing to my house, and why not? Doesn't that make perfect sense? I am calling Columbia Pest Control on Monday.

So anyway, all that inspired me to do some serious errands on Saturday - take the trash out, clean out my car, get my oil changed, make a Target run, groceries of course, clean the bathroom and the kitchen... I was done by around noon though and still got to relax. This morning (if I ever finish this) I will do the least-desired thing of all - go to the mall. And maybe buy a coat.

Maybe.

Wednesday night check in

Oh my hell work has been a bitch lately. Consequently I have been kind of lax on this thing. Sorry to all of you who so eagerly check this blog on a daily (hourly? I see you, you know) basis. But truly, not much to report around here. I go to work, I come home, I watch some TV, I go to bed, I get up, I go to work. In the event it's a Saturday, I get up, take 2 or 3 naps, try to do some chores, go to bed. It's pretty exciting here in the Pacific NW in the winter. Especially this winter, when all it does is rain. I suppose this is nothing new, but I never really recalled how MUCH it rained here. And trust me, I have been bitching about the rain here my entire life.

Crazy news down south for a couple of my Cancun friends - my heart goes out to you guys right now, though I haven't really been able to chat consistantly. I know it's a tough time for you, what with not knowing what will happen now that a certain person decided like an idiot to go back to the States where he is wanted (in a BAD way)... but you never know what can happen. Everything does happen for a reason, with every cloud is a silver lining, when one door shuts another opens... find me some more cliches. It's all that positivity I am working on. Anyway, I will try to be there for the venting a little bit better in the next few days. I'm telling you, work has just been SUCKY lately.

Didn't do anything on NYE except field phone calls at midnight from the kiddies in Wisconsin. Hilarious. Isn't it funny (sometimes, not all the time) to "talk" to people who are smashed when you are stone cold sober? It was a happy New Year just hearing them have fun, and I do believe that if I am allowed to say the "v" word at work (let alone request it) I may be taking a little trip to the midwest in September.

When will I go back to Cancun? Not sure. I'm thinking April because I refuse to go in March, and February is too soon. But we'll see, again, you never know. I think I need my cards read. I think I might just pull some for myself tonight.