Bugged into coat shopping

The weather report has been calling for rain all weekend and though the street is still wet, I see no puddles and therefore no raindrops falling in the puddles. Today I am going to go shopping. I may even buy a coat. Somebody told me there are sales at Burlington Coat Factory. Even typing that out makes me a little scared.

I have a Macy's gift card from work and I guess it's time I used it. I could use some work clothes. Knowing me I will go and find nothing along the lines of work clothes but all manner of other stuff. That's cool.

Yesterday I had a somewhat productive Saturday for a change. I think I was inspired by what I found in the sink on Friday night. Mother of God. Mother of GOD. Seriously my bowels just loosened a little bit recalling it.

So I'm home from work, home from the wax appointment where I actually ran into my sister Shelia (I have no problem with the chance encounters, it's the organized events that bother me). I'm relaxed, I'm somewhat hairless (let's not speak of my legs, I think I am trying to beat some sort of record), I have some Netflix movies, not to mention the America's Next Top Model marathon that has exploded all over my DVR. It's sort of crappy out, I've had a tough week, the house clothes are on and I am all about relaxing.

I routinely am in and out of my kitchen, bathroom and bedroom on a night like this (is it possible to develop late-stage Adult ADD?), and I have been in the kitchen quite a bit since I've been home - getting water, getting some dinner, stuff like that. I guess my point is that up until this point I have not noticed anything out of the ordinary - and trust me I have some serious spi-dar (which of course is just as useful for spotting bugs). On this particular trip into the kitchen, however, there in the sink next to the glass that inexplicably developed a crack in the middle of it and that I put in the sink to throw out with my trash one of these weeks, is ... SOMETHING. I zero in (you know, I don't ever actually LOOK at the spider/bug - I usually look just to the side of it and rely on my periphial to assess what level of panic I need to shoot for), and see that there are legs, it's upside down and not moving (don't look at me like I don't know about bugs playing possum), it's sort of a bronze color, and it's not a spider. Oh my HELL.

You know how when you are trying to avoid a car accident and your first instinct is to step on the brake/put your hand over the horn? In a situation like this, my hand immediately reaches for the Raid can that is ALWAYS out just in case. I proceed to blast. Yeah, hello, I am SO onto you, buddy, as your little legs go waving in the air because you are NOT DEAD AFTER ALL, ARE YOU? Call ME a foo'... I manage to gather the little pebbles of courage that are scattered about in the fray of sheer panic and lean over to turn on the faucet at full blast, but alas, the almost-broken glass is running interference and the bug just sort of slides slowly, painfully toward the drain (certainly not fast enough for me). In this stage of blasting Raid and not so blasting water, I am seeing this thing for what it may or may not be - it could be a cockroach (I DID have a bag of trash hanging from the pantry door handle waiting to be taken out if it ever stopped raining - cockroaches here are only in it for the garbage, unlike Cancun, where they are just THERE), it could be some sort of beetle that came in with me (shuddering) on my purse (or in my hair) or something (rocking back and forth). It could be a dragon. All I know is that the motherfucker is NOT GOING DOWN THE DRAIN FAST ENOUGH. I take the dish brush thingie and bat at the glass, and finally a surge of water pushes the beast into the drain. I flick on the garbage disposal and I am not kidding you, I heard it chewing. I left it on for a very long time. Very long.

By this time I am a jangling mess of nerves and panic and I am flying around the kitchen looking for more, under the sink and in the cupboards and in the oven and EVERYWHERE. If it was a cockroach there would have been more. I think (I am trying to make myself feel better but that's okay) it was just some crazy beetle. Because though this place is messy, it isn't DIRTY and here, that's what cockroaches like. Unless like my downstairs neighbors have them and one just decided to find its way through the plumbing to my house, and why not? Doesn't that make perfect sense? I am calling Columbia Pest Control on Monday.

So anyway, all that inspired me to do some serious errands on Saturday - take the trash out, clean out my car, get my oil changed, make a Target run, groceries of course, clean the bathroom and the kitchen... I was done by around noon though and still got to relax. This morning (if I ever finish this) I will do the least-desired thing of all - go to the mall. And maybe buy a coat.

Maybe.