A kick in the attitude

Going to work these days is almost excrutiating. I was in a great mood this morning when I got up, showered, did the whole leave-the-house-drive-to-Starbucks-drive-to-work thing, as great as I can on a Monday, and the minute I walk in the office, BLAM, it hits. People are nervous, snappy, and clearly unhappy. Isn't what we do hard enough that we don't need skittish coworkers sizing you up and silently comparing themselves to you in terms of value to the company? Good Lord. By 8:15 I had a splitting headache. I don't ever get sick but I felt the beginnings of a cold coming on later in the day, based on pure exhaustion from fighting the negativity that hangs over that office like mosquito netting. Fuck.

I thought I would blog again today, not only to help Heather, even though that's a big part of it, but also because a while back I chewed everyone out for not updating regularly and now I am guilty of the same thing. And for what? Am I going to let my work life completely control me? No. I need to blog, even if it is about nothing. If nothing else it is therapeutic. And God knows I need that.

Anita commented about my volunteer work, and I appreciate that comment, because she's right - I can't really look at it as if it is one more chore to do when the day is ending. I have to look at it as helping out the cause for the greater good and all that. It really is in the attitude, and after reading her comment I kind of snapped out of it. I really am letting the work thing affect me, and it's getting into cracks that it doesn't need to be in. It is what it is, leave it at the office. Put your whole heart into everything else, for the right reasons, and quit being such a downer!

Thanks for kicking me in the arse, Anita. I really needed it.

I don't know, I just feel like I SHOULD blog

Because, you know, everyone else is so much better at keeping up with their own blogs.

And of course, now that I am typing, I have a kitten on me wanting to snuggle. Oh kitten. (Maura is convinced that they can no longer be kittens, but she's wrong.)

I'm not going to begin each blog by saying "So I survived another week at work...", but I did.

I had a spider in the casita yesterday, first one in quite a while. It's news, seriously. For me anyway. I blasted it, but in my estimation probably not enough, because it pretty much fell right away behind the cedar chest in the dining room. Now it's hard for me to go in there without a complete carpet check. I'm afraid if the kittens find it and attempt to ingest it there could be trouble. But they can't get back there any more than I would want to.

The Ducks kicked the shit out of WSU yesterday, so that's good.

I'm back to regular (not 1/2 decaf) coffee on the weekends. I'm not sure if this is good or bad.

I'm doing some volunteer work for Planned Parenthood. I have made a pretty good commitment for after-work-hours for the next few weeks. Not sure how fired up I am about it. I mean, what if I've had a particularly stressful day? What if I don't feel like leaving the house again when I get home from work?

I'm sick of pretty much all of my work clothes.

It's supposed to be in the mid 80s today. While that's good, it's late September. And I stopped tanning so I am back to ghostly white. Which means positively no shorts. So I guess my options are stay inside all day (what else have I got to do anyway?) and stay inside all day.

I need an adventure. I need a goal. I'm sick of being scared of pay-period-ending day. That's when the managers come in to the branch with an envelope. If you don't know what I am talking about then you are probably not being affected by the changes in the housing market.

I'm trying to figure out if I should book a trip in December. I have like 10 days off. I want to go (to Cancun, duh) but the cost... yeesh. I really only prefer to stay in one of the Royal Resorts, but did I mention the cost? And especially going sola? Not to mention airfare. What the fuck is that all about? I don't suppose you have any vacation time coming up, do you Liz?

Seriously. I need an adventure. Or at least something to look forward to.

I can't believe I'm 43. When did THAT all happen?

I've been sitting at the cracktop off and on since 6:30 this morning. And that's pretty sad. But the only thing I really have to do today is laundry, change out the litter box (God I hate doing that), finish "Twilight" (if you have an opportunity, it's good mindless fun in a series), go get the second book in that series, and go get the milk I forgot to buy at the supermarket yesterday. Woo hoo!

I'd like to think that some people are genuinely shocked to see how boring my life has really become.

I wish that dang Kelly Dean would email me back.

That's pretty much all I've got for you this morning. Go read Heather's blog, though, and see if that song isn't stuck in YOUR head for the next half of the day.

I'm not TRYING to be so silent, I just don't have that much going on.

So where did we leave off? Oh yeah. Um, to nutshell it, we lost Chris H. and Jan P. in Lincoln Tower, lost that John Boy (aka John John, Office Boy John, you know who I mean) but then gained him back again due to sheer stupidity, and then lost a couple of people on the east side that have been here quite a while. Stressed out? Me? No no no. Just another day in the life.

I have been off work for two days (well, this being my last day off) because I was supposed to be going to Wisconsin for the annual Rock the Sac party (please see archives, last September, I think I told the story in like 27 posts or something) but I did not go because a) airfare is ridiculous and b) I doubt I should be spending money on said airfare due to, well, the first paragraph. I'm bummed I missed it. I saw pictures. It looked fun. Except I'm still trying to figure out who the guy was with the long hair. Was that a wig, Marita?

Instead of going to Wisconsin, Jeri T. (now P.) and I went to our little casual, somewhat impromptu 25 year class reunion. Yep, 25 years. Don't I sound young for being 43? Thanks! Anyway, it was over at Dom B.'s dad's house over in my old 'hood (his house is much grander than mine ever was) and it was quite fun. Though there was no frightening plane ride situation involved, Jeri did drive the family Escalade, so it's pretty much as big as a plane, and we did run over the cone that was placed in the driveway to keep everyone out, but that was about the extent of any real traveling danger. We were the first ones there. Of course. But it was nice because I got to catch up with Dom and his sister Dana and we got to laugh at everyone else who drove over the cone until finally Jeri just moved the plane into the driveway and frankly nobody was driving over that.

We had a good crowd, maybe 25 people? I'm not a good judge of numbers by the glance. But a good time was had by all and it was a nice night and we had three fires going and a lot of laughs and really, I'd do it again. At my 20 year I swore I would never do another one, but this was casual and relaxed and Dom's dad's house is a good venue. You know Dom, he runs Beaverton Foods, makers of Beaver brand mustard and horseradish, and Inglehoffer mustard. It's the family business. I went to grade school for like 3 years with him, and then of course high school.

So that was nice. I have been running errands mostly otherwise and really don't have much going on, besides doing a little volunteer work to beef up the karma. I'll probably post more on that later. And I will post. More probably since I am getting out. But I can't promise you it won't be rife with stress about this stupid work thing.

Oh and I forgot - I went to the eye doctor yesterday and my prescription of course changed (not for the better) and we are doing that monovision thing that you do when you are getting older and can't see so much close up. So that's good. Happy 43rd year, Joyce, you're vision is getting worse, your joints are stiff when you get out of bed and The Hills pisses you off. And you wish they would show more Brenda-Kelly-related stuff on the new 90210.

Ugh

Sometimes things just kind of suck. We lost a really good person today - she gets to stay until October 3 because there are a lot of vacations going on in the Beaverton branch right now, and they will need her. But soon we'll be saying goodbye to my little Grand Master Janet because apparently there will be more layoffs and how do you choose in a branch like Beaverton? We are down to nuts and bolts right now as it is. I cannot imagine how difficult it will be for her to come in to work tomorrow. I know it just about killed the branch manager who had to choose and then do it, and I have no idea what all of this means to my own job, but the whole thing sucks and I am just sick about it.

I really haven't heard about anybody else yet, but mostly because Beaverton did this a day early due to the manager's vacation beginning tomorrow. Beaverton is not a branch overladen with drama, like some, but it will be difficult never the less. I hope I make it through tomorrow myself. If I don't, I guess that's the way life is sometimes and I just have to figure out what to do next. You'd think by now I would sort of know, but I really haven't come to that full realization yet. Not smart, but with unemployment (next to nothing by the way) at least I'll have a tiny bit of time. Ugh.

Work pretty much has been all consuming on that end, since this branch knew it was going down since last week, so everyone has had sort of a thin veneer of fear on their faces. I don't know which way would be better - know SOMEone has to go and anticipate the likeliness of YOU, or to have it sprung on you on the last day of the pay period. Yeah I do, both suck.

On the brighter side, good news from up north and frankly I am not in the slightest bit surprised - who wouldn't be thrilled to have you on their team?? So we'll leave this on the happy note and go slump in front of the TV with a book and some soft-furred little animals.

Moving forward

So this morning I am up and showered and ready to go paint housing and stuff for an organization that one of our marketing reps at work is involved with. I can't remember the name right now but I am sure by the time I get back I will know it very well, so perhaps I will let you know then. Essentially it is transitional housing for, I don't know who, but whoever they are, they need help painting buildings and doing some yard work. Kellie C. at work roped me into this but when I agreed to do it, I knew my karma could use some beefing up, so here I sit, sipping iced coffee and waiting for 7:45 when it's time to hit the road. It's all the way in Milwaukie, and to those of you who do not know, that is FAR.

I have been in the Beaverton branch all week, and will for a couple more weeks, and I like that branch. Busy and lots of stuff to do. There (of course) will be some major changes coming in the next week or so, but I am hoping my position will be somewhat safe for now. I've been doing a lot of thinking recently about what's next. Wednesday the management team came in and gave me a Service Star (a recognition kind of thing with a plaque and new business cards) so I could go either way with that - they like me so much they will keep me, or it's a consolation prize - we really like you but you know we still have to say goodbye. Who knows what is going on in their heads. But thinking about it just makes you want to lay down and sleep for a week so I am not going to do that anymore.

I got an email while I was away in Canada from Bally's, the gym I belonged to pre-Cancun-the-first-time. I used to go to bed at 9:20 (on the dot) every night so that I could be up by 4:30 every morning before work and get to the gym. It was great for my attitude as well as other things, and a good routine. While in Cancun I sort of lost my debit card (long story, some know it, others may not want to know it), and that was what the $7 monthly payment was attached to, but I forgot about that, and when I noticed that the fee was no longer coming out of my bank account, I sort of figured I would deal with it later. Now it's been over two years.

Work has a deal with 24 Hour Fitness that they waive the start up fee and you pay like $40 a month to use any of their gyms. That's fine and all that, but when you have been paying $7, it's hard to make that jump. I was going to, though, but just didn't get around to it. When I phoned Bally's about a year and a half ago to pretend like it was a small lapse in time and could they reinstate me at the same terms, they were like, um, no, it's been WAY too long. So I sit. And walk very little, and live where there are no stairs.

Anyway I get this email and it says, reinstate your old membership for just $99 so I call - turns out, it is $99 total for the year, no monthly. Can't beat THAT with a stick, so all I need to do now is get a new card and I am in. I would have gone this morning but, you know, I gotta paint houses. Perhaps tomorrow morning. Definitely Monday. That will feel good, I think. I need more routines.

Other than that not much going on. I'll miss half the Duck game today, but that's probably fine, and it's weird not having multiple days off (beyond two), but I am back in the swing of things and continuing to work on my little casita. Somewhat normal life goes on.