"What are you doing right now?"

So now I'm starting to think in Facebook status updates: Joyce is needing to do some laundry. Joyce should probably get some creamer before she runs out for the weekend. Joyce is walking into the kitchen. It's kind of ridiculous. Actually it's really ridiculous.

Tomorrow is the last day of the month (duh) which means it will be calamitous and stupid and busy. But it also means casual day. And Friday, in this particular instance. I am taking a field trip and going downtown to the KOIN to sign one of Annette's borrowers because I need a flipping break from the tension that is Lincoln Tower. I just don't know what the gig is with that branch, but it's starting to suck the life out of me. I can usually handle just about anything, but it's getting harder and harder to wade through the crap that just permeates that branch. I need to get away, to visit a branch that has normal ju ju. Hence the field trip. It will only be for like an hour or so, but jeez, that's something.

I did book Puerta Vallarta, by the way (thanks Kim!). It's a little over a month away, and it's something to look forward to. I wish it was Cancun, but for now, I'm happy. Cancun will come soon enough. I'm working on doing things that feel right, and PVR feels right for now. Who knows what's next.

So the other night I did one of those things where you bite the inside of your cheek and it gets a little puffy and then gets in the way and pretty soon all you are doing is biting on the side of your cheek any time you eat a piece of facon or whatever, and now the inside of my cheek is swollen and throbbing a little and I am not exactly sure how to make THAT go away. It's annoying. Cheek doesn't taste good. And it certainly doesn't do anything for the taste of facon.

I'm going up north this weekend, but I won't elaborate just yet about that because I'm not sure if I should. I don't know that one of my 17 readers is the one I am going up there for. It's not you, Elizabeth, it's not that far north. So I'll talk about it next time.

Oh and today there was cake. Cake is good, when it isn't all cheeky. There is a birthday at work tomorrow and while the receptionist ordered a cake for tomorrow, my boss was at the Beaverton Bakery buying two other cakes. Not knowing. Cake happens that way at work. You go through this huge cake deficit, for like months, and then the next thing you know, there are like 4 different cakes to choose from, all at once. You want a piece of each one, but you can't. It's not lettuce, it's cake. So you have to choose one and live with it, knowing you might not see cake in the office again for another couple of months. It's pretty stressful. Anyway, when Linda brought the cake back to the office and discovered that Christine had already ordered a cake for tomorrow, she sent out an email saying there was cake and that it was a pre-function for my birthday. Which prompted everyone to question me about my birthday, which isn't until September. But hey, if there has to be a reason for cake, let me be it.

Seriously I am just killing time while my clothes wash. Joyce wishes it was closer to 10 so she wouldn't feel bad about going to bed so early.

Looking backward and forward

Last night some of us girls from years ago met up at McCormick and Schmick's in Bridgeport for a little get-together. It was great fun and, in the way that the universe knows how to rock our worlds a little bit, it had a little added bonus attached to it. Kenny L. played baseball at Beaverton in the early '80s and I imagine that every girl in high school had some level of crush on him at one time or another. So while we sat and chatted and waited for the others to show up, who should be standing next booth over but him. It was great to see him and a great boost for my girl Jeri. We were having so much fun the manager sent over champagne, which frankly isn't surprising. Cheers to all of us there - we plan on making it a monthly thing.

In other news, an opportunity has arisen to travel south for a week in April. I'll probably do it. It's too good an opportunity and cheap-ish in these terrifying times (for me, I feel like I don't have any money when REALLY, not much has changed... I'm kind of a freak). So perhaps you will soon be graced with a happier, more tan Joyce with a memory stick full of pictures of Puerta Vallarta. Or not, I don't really, uh... photograph well. But surely the beach will.

I have been enjoying my chats with an old friend who has come out of the woodwork thanks (again) to the magic of social networking sites. It's been great, and somewhat inspirational, and I love seeing how people have succeeded in their lives, seeing their history based on what they are today. It's neato. Good chats, Todd.

All in all it was a good week, if not a bit harried at work. I apologize to everyone whose head I ripped off. But let's face it, the office is kind of tense these days and I am nothing if not Knee-Jerk Reaction Girl. Apologizing probably doesn't take the sting away, but shit, it's escrow. I thought it was supposed to make us tough. I shoot the messenger, that's what I do. By now everyone knows I am an emotional rollercoaster, so let's just get over it. Joyce. Get over it. Jeez.

So let's all start planning the trip by tanning. It helps everyone.

The Value of Friends

I think I might be coming out of the dark. Some.

Winter is obviously not a good season on me. This winter, however, I have had the opportunity to reconnect with some old friends, and that makes me happy. We're constantly evolving, we humans, and sometimes, if you're like me at all, we need a little break from the present to recharge.

I have always had great friends, the kind of friends where, even if you don't talk to them for a long time, you can just pick up where you left off like nothing happened. Even when plenty has happened. To them, to you, to the people around us. I've always believed that your history makes you the person people want to be around (or not, I guess) so one should regret nothing. Every person has their challenges and it's how you handle them that makes you the person you are today.

Thanks to the magic of the internets, I have found myself in that place where friends from the past are coming back to my present, and I love that. During these last hermit-like months of mine, I drifted into obscurity (I don't like that for me) without really realizing it. Work, home, the kits - that was pretty much my life. I mean, it's not like it was a bad life: it was safe. I lost some of my social skills and got into some routines that it would kind of freak me out to break. My inbox grew dusty and my phone rang less. I didn't notice it because I was to busy making sure I kept all of my feelings around me, like a glass case. This blog suffered because I never did anything of value to report (I still haven't, by the way, but at least there's hope for it). I didn't realize what I was missing and it turns out I was missing a lot.

I know what I need to flourish and be the person I was meant to be. I need people around me that make me laugh, and think, and care, and nurture. I need to be the light in someone else's life. I need people around me that will brighten my own existance. I need to feel. Because I think I was starting to stop feeling. And when you stop feeling, you aren't living, and when you aren't living, you are dead. I feel like I have too much to give to be that.

Now that I am resurfacing back into the land of the living, I find myself laughing to myself, relishing memories and looking forward to making more. I could not and cannot do that without having my friends around me, even virtually. Knowing someone cares about you gives you strength and vitality, and I need that, like I need sunlight and warmth through a cold winter.

Knowing I have and have always had such great friends makes the light I need grow stronger. So thank you.

Sweeping up the mind clutter

Wow have I been negligent. So sorry. You know, the problem with having a kajillion thoughts running through your mind at all hours is that you don't know what might or might not be blog-worthy. And though I am noticing that seriously very few people read this thing, I still tend to be selective about what I put to keyboard. It doesn't matter, none of it makes much sense anyway.

I don't have much to report besides being busy at work and somewhat social afterward. I actually went to the movies ("Slumdog Millionaire" - I'll be like everyone else and recommend you see it. It really is a great movie), and spent time with a friend from 30 years ago, catching up (Oh the magic of social-networking sites!). Took care of some business and did my duty. Wound up completely exhausted but still up by 6am on a Saturday.

Spring is coming. It has to. I need an adventure-boost.

Happy Saturday!








45 years ago a boy came in to this world, I can only assume full of spunk and fire and destined for a rough-and-tumble youth. 18 years later, his world collided into mine for a brief few months of happy-sad-drama-pain-longing-victory-excitement-power-crazy-high-low-bedlam-sweetness-heartbreak, and upon leaving just as quickly as he came, firmly secured himself into my history and memory like no one else ever would or ever could. Years pass, lives are lived, fate throws a curve ball that gets hit out of the park. Though I am happy to have him in my thoughts again daily, it's pain and sorrow and hurt mixed in with joy and love and delight, peppered with concern and confusion and determination. Happy Birthday to a boy who came and never left.