Monday, December 21, 2009


Dear People Who Drop Off the New Phone Books:

Please check your list - I haven't had a land line in twelve years. Seriously. Twelve years. Nothing pisses me off more than the no less than six times a year I come home from work and find a bag of your phone books leaning against my front door. I don't use phone books, I have 411. For the last twelve years. You know what it means to me when you drop off new phone books? It means I have to make a separate trip to the dumpster on my way to work in the morning, more than likely in the pouring rain. Do I really have to explain to you, Phone Book Dropper-Offer, what my hair looks like after even 15 seconds in the rain and mist? And now I have to make a separate trip that will easily tack on three minutes to that initial 15-second trip to the car? Can you see why I'm pissed off? Do you even care?

I know you're response is going to be, Hey, it's a job, you're keeping someone employed. But you know what? I bet you'd get paid the same amount of money, and have the same route, and be in roughly the same neighborhood, if you just avoided my I-don't-have-a-land-line door and gave phone books to everyone else in my complex that DOES have a land line. Nothing will change the status of your employment. Just check a list and DON'T give phone books to people who are NOT EVEN YOUR CUSTOMER. And HAVEN'T BEEN FOR TWELVE YEARS.

Thanks -


And while we are on the subject of me being pissed off, I made the fatal mistake of driving within three miles of Washington Square tonight on my way home, and it was there that I lost a good solid 40 minutes of my life that, frankly, I want back. I thought this was like the worst recession since ever. If nobody is working, and nobody has any money, and the retail industry is suffering staggering blows, then why in the holy hell are there FOUR MILLION PEOPLE within this three mile radius of the mall? Are they just going out there and circling the block? Do they like the pretty colors red brake lights make? Or is it really true, what I've been saying all along? Is everyone REALLY out to get me?

Rant over. There better be something decent on TV.


At 2:18 PM, December 22, 2009, Blogger My Way said...

Put the book on someone else's doorstep.

Much easier...

Just make sure you do it like...late at night or whatever.


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