Calamity calm

Some days are off days and some are on days and I am learning to treat the off days like they are on days. Meaning the small shit is starting to not affect me.

Like customers who freak out and panic at the last minute and say docs are coming and the buyer/borrower OH MY GOD HAS TO SIGN TODAY and then docs never show up and the customer ultimately blames me for the file not closing on time. Yesterday was the last day to sign refis and the only set of the three that OH MY GOD WILL BE THERE TODAY was one where the broker didn't really care if it closed this month or not. Even then the borrower broke her appointment and then just showed up hours later, expecting me to sign her (I did), like I didn't have anything better to do (I didn't) (but I was supposed to have, I just didn't get the docs we've been waiting on for no lie 3 months). I didn't let it bother me, I just made subliminally cutting remarks to her in the course of the signing that made her confused and me feel better. The old me would have picked up a stapler and hurled across the room before going out to sign the borrower. I will admit I ripped the head off the poor temp receptionist who doesn't understand our industry anyway, but I ended it by saying, Sorry, but I shoot the messenger. That's just what I do.

Or like when it's morning and I am putting on my mascara in the peace of my back bathroom and one of the cats comes out of no where and, in an attempt to be stealthy, tries to, from a running start, jump up on the tiny vanity in there but her paw gets hooked up on the plastic bucket situation that holds all my shit, makeup, hair dryer, various clips and such, and it comes crashing down, bouncing off the toilet and finally landing upside down on the floor, crap scattered everywhere, very dramatic and loud, and the cat, in the middle of all this, falls down as well, but sort of upside down on to the waste basket, and takes off like the devil is on her heels, all this happening in the space of roughly 1.7 seconds while I stand there and watch with a tube of mascara in my hand. Didn't even faze me. I just scooped everything back in to the bucket, replaced it on the back of the toilet and resumed my routine (the kitties, on the other hand, are walking around now like the place is haunted, spooked and skittish, and may not go into that bathroom again for a few days). The old me would have yelled KITTY! and sworn and cursed and slammed shit around for a few more minutes, making a point, and then bitter during the whole drive to work. Nope, not anymore.

Or like when my mom falls down again and fractures her back and I get a call saying she is going to the hospital, and there is a chance that, if they don't admit her, we'll all have to take turns spending the night at her house and figure out how to afford home health care, which isn't saying a lot because despite there being ten of us kids, only four live here, and that means two or three nights a week each, and oh my hell I don't even want to think about that. I just listened to what Shelia had to say and went about my day, thinking normal thoughts, not expounding on it, just dealing. The old me would have sworn incessantly and then hung up and rifled the phone across the room. But nope. Doesn't help a thing. Turns out they did admit her and perhaps that means she will be put in a rehab center so they can get her PT and full time care for a few days/weeks. What do I know about it. Nothing, since you're asking.

So yeah, I am not sure where this new found calmness is coming from or even if it will stick around. Maybe it's the branch I'm in right now. Maybe I'll be back to normal after a few days in the Lincoln Tower branch.

Or maybe I'm finally growing up.

(but probably not)