Monday, December 19, 2011


Suddenly I'm old.

I woke up like Thursday last week feeling like I slept on my shoulder wrong. The pain went away after a while, but returned Friday night and has stuck around every night since. Barbie thinks it's arthritis. Suddenly. Out of nowhere.

Then Saturday morning I woke up completely stiff in my lower back. Pain. Like I could barely dress pain. I had four million things to do and I did them, but I was like Frankenstein all day and I looked like a jackass getting in and out of the car. I took Advil and stooped instead of bent and looked up the possible causes on WebMD and pretty much covered all the I-don't-go-to-the-doctor bases, and Sunday when I woke up it was actually better. It still hurt, but it was better.

Today was a completely different story. Spasms. My whole life I've never had back problems. Now suddenly it's spasming in the shower and in the car and while I set up the office this morning before my 7:30. Good Lord. I could barely feed the cats.

When that Sandi came in I asked her about it - she'd experienced a similar situation recently herself, and luckily I wasn't so self-absorbed that I remembered. She said to ice it - twenty minutes on, maybe thirty to forty off. I did. All day. I took more Advil. I took two Aleve at like 3pm. I've been icing. Still spasming.

I made it home, and here's the problem with being me: did you know that if you don't use the ice in the ice cube trays for a long while they eventually evaporate? I didn't. You know, until tonight, when I needed to make another ice pack. So now I know. At least I have bags of frozen vegetables that clearly aren't being eaten to use while the real ice freezes.

The good thing about being me, however, is that I am industrious. I couldn't stoop down low enough without seizing to get the kibble in the kitty bowls, let alone get the water dish, so I now have a step ladder in the kitchen next to the kitties' food station. I unfold it, I sit down on the step, I lean over for the dish, I stand up and fill it, I sit back down, I lean over and put the dish down. It took me ten minutes to feed the dang kitties.

This is a flipping nightmare to me because I think it's my bed and not the fact that this happens to people as they age. I'm not that old. Seriously, I'm not. Sandi claims the ice packs will help in a day or two, and I'm hoping so, but I've been icing and dosing all flipping day and it still hurts to sit here and type this (but I suffer for all seventeen of you). Plus I'm afraid to go to bed now. Because I'm still convinced it's my bed and nothing else. And I can't even fathom having to buy a new bed. I don't even know where to start, and I certainly don't want to spend the money on something so ridiculous.

But it's probably not my bed.

God damn it.


At 11:18 AM, December 21, 2011, Anonymous Anonymous said...

A chiropractor can take care of that in 1 visit.


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