Sunday, October 09, 2011

You're Done.

(Becky told me she was going to leave me if I didn't blog soon. I can't risk it. She might be all I have left.)

So I'm driving around today dropping off some stuff at Mark and Becky's, running a little bit of errand at the Albertson's (because for some reason you can't find ground cloves at the Trader Joe's OR the Target's supermarket section, and it turns out it's because GROUND CLOVES ARE APPARENTLY GROUND WITH DIAMONDS they're so flipping expensive), when, at the close of my journey, as I am waiting to take a left on to my street, the song "Old Time Rock 'n Roll" comes on the radio. And it all comes crashing back to me.

All the times I hear that song while I'm in the car and can't switch the station fast enough. All the profanity spewing from my mouth as if I'm suddenly possessed by a demon that hates that song even more than my sane self does. All the obvious digits my blood pressure increases in the space of the one second (because I can name that tune in less than one second) that I hear any part of that song. I really don't like that song.

You know, it probably started out as a pretty good song, one hundred and fifty years ago when it first came out. But it isn't anymore. Because despite the fact that the song is easily one hundred and fifty years old, it gets more air time than it ever should have. Still. I think K103 still plays it at 5pm every Friday to signal the end of the work week even. Why they seem to think that a horrible song like "Old Time Rock 'n Roll" would signal the end of the work week in any universe is beyond me. It's not giving me ANY kind of signal besides ohmygodchangethestationchangethestationchangethestation.

And it's not just on the radio. Now and again I am asked to see this or that friend's oldies' band at some random bar on a Friday, and I go, because I feel badly that I never see this or that friend, since I'm a big fan of spending my weekends doing what I want to do, and not what I feel obligated to do, and you can bet any amount of money that said oldies' band will have "Old Time Rock 'n Roll" on their playlist. Why? It's not a good song. It's a terrible song. A terrible song that has been overplayed for centuries and that should finally and once and for all be put to bed.

I've heard it sung by people for whom English is a second language (which actually makes it better than the orignal). I've torn up karaoke slips when people have requested to sing it (I used to be a KJ. A thousand years ago I used to be a KJ. I also tore up slips for people who requested to sing "Hit Me With Your Best Shot", "Summer Nights" and "Wonderwall", but this isn't about those songs). I've heard it in the doctors' office, the supermarket, and even as musak in elevators. I don't understand why ANYone would think this is a song that needs to be played so many years after that stupid Tom Cruise movie where it obviously lived its heyday.

It's over, "Old Time Rock 'n Roll". It's time to put you out to pasture. The fact that a song affects me so much that I have to come in here and pound out this post is enough proof that you are a stupid, stupid song that has extended your fifteen minutes WAY past your shelf life. And though I really wasn't expecting to thank you today, I do appreciate that you gave me an opportunity to not lose Becky.


At 10:27 AM, October 11, 2011, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I couldn't agree more. Terrible song. Right up there (but not quite) as bad as "Manic Monday". I actually think I saw the worst commercial in my life recently - a vacuum commercial where a woman was actually dancing WITH her vacuum. I swear it was to "Old TIme Rock & Roll". I was horrified. Literally. I sat and stared at my TV like I was watching live telecast of the Holocaust. Just'll see it.

Becly H. (Thanks for blogging)


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