Ready

So I have a friend who is, like me, in her mid-forties. Divorced for a while, no kids in the house, living the dream. Recently she started dating a guy that is about the same age, maybe a year or two older. He's a good guy, I know this because I pretty much know everybody these days and he has a good name. They have been taking it slow. And when I say slow, I mean S-L-O-W. They barely make out and it's been two months since they started dating.

Very recently she had to broach the subject of taking things to, uh, the next level. Because seriously, kissing after two months is stretching it. In my opinion. I mean, for God's sake what are you waiting for?

I get being cautious, and I get developing a relationship and then when you DO finally knock it out it's just about the best thing since sliced bread. But I also get being in one's mid-forties and having had lots of ... life experiences... and subsequently having needs. NEEDS. And I most definitely get knowing what you want and asking for it.

So the question is, at what age does one stop being considered a tramp, or forward, or fast, or whatever you want to call it? At what point can you say, "Look, it's no secret I've had a lot of sex in the past, and I would like to continue that trend now that I've found a really good guy, so can we just get it over with already?" without sounding like you are some kind of nympho? I believe strongly in letting one's true feelings and desires be made known to (whoever cares to listen) a potential paramour, so I wonder how other people (particularly the potential paramour) might feel about being so... forthcoming?

I think it shocked the new boyfriend, but at least he knows what's up. I mean, in this case, it isn't ALL about the sex part, but the sex part IS important (and in some cases, it IS all about the sex part, but that's not really what this is about), and I just don't see what's wrong with getting it out there on the table and letting it be known. I mean, what guy wouldn't LOVE that?

I think the rules change when you pass the forty mark. I think that when you pass thirty, you are so relieved to not be in your twenties anymore that it takes a little while for you to figure out who you really are and what you really want. And then when you pass forty you really don't care what the reaction is going to be so long as you get the message out.

Let's hope for my friend's sake that the boyfriend isn't freaked out by this and is, instead, impressed that she would go ahead and tell him that she's ready. Because you can't get what you want if you don't ask for it, right? And anyway, how would she know she wants to keep him if she hasn't kicked the tires a little bit..?