Hair in, hair out

So I'm using this new shampoo that's GUARANTEED to make me not bald. I don't know if it's the shampoo manufacturer that's guaranteeing it or the fine folks at Evolution where I faithfully get my hair colored and cut on a very regular basis, but hey, a guarantee is a guarantee as far as I'm concerned. What is this miracle shampoo that brazenly touts the ability to make my hair grow fuller, stronger, faster (maybe that's not a good thing considering I already color every four weeks), you ask? It's called Revita. That's right, just Revita. I thought it was something like "RevitaFast" or "RevitaPoo" or something a little bit more flashy, but apparently they don't need to be flashy. They just need to make me not bald.

Literally every time I go to the salon I work in the fact that my hair is falling out in clumps (I tend to be a little dramatic) since I'd recently lost some weight. Either I'm asking my stylist to strategically style around the female pattern baldness, or I'm asking both my stylist and my colorist pointblank if they notice way less hair than last time. They have consistently blown off my concerns, but last Friday when I went in, my colorist practically jumped me at the door to tell me about this new shampoo. Which got me thinking that all this time they were being less than truthful.

I'm crazy-vain about my hair. If I wasn't, I wouldn't spend the fortune on it that I do. So the idea of having way more of it in a somewhat timely fashion (ninety days!) intrigued me enough to break out the cash and drop an additional $100 on the shampoo and conditioner combo (not EXACTLY $100, but almost..). The kicker is I have to use it EVERY DAY (or every washing actually) (which for me really is pretty much every day) and I'd start to notice results in as little as two weeks. Instant Gratification Girl loves this idea. My stylist has been using it, and she says she totally can tell a difference, even after three weeks. This is important to me because our hair is very similar. AND it's guaranteed, so, really, what have I got to lose?

So I just started week two today and the good news is I've stuck to the regimen. Which is no small task for me. My whole life my hair has had a mind of its own, so I have to be really creative with shampoo, conditioner and product. Like I always have to switch it up. Like daily. Like I had probably four different kinds of shampoo and four different kinds of conditioner in the shower and in an effort to make my hair somewhat agreeable, I'd have to switch up combinations every day. I'm no mathematician, but for those of you who can actually do math, that's the potential for a lot of combinations (right? Seriously, I can't do math).

Now, however, I am a one shampoo/one conditioner kind of gal. I even bagged up all the other shampoos and conditioners in my shower and put them in the bathroom closet (I didn't throw them out, there's something like $575 worth of product in there. You think I'm kidding.). The good news is the conditioner is not heavy and does not weigh down my hair like literally EVERY OTHER CONDITIONER ON THE PLANET does. Weird hair.

So the way it works though, and this is the hard part for me, is that you have to have it on your head for two minutes. EACH. So two minutes for the shampoo, rinse, two minutes for the conditioner. I'm seriously Fast Shower Taking Girl, and two minutes is a long time if you don't have much to do in there. I wash of course, thoroughly and completely, but how long can THAT take? Certainly not two whole minutes. I mean it. Count out two whole real minutes right now. It's a long time. Anyway, I had to come up with some other things to do in the shower while the RevitaPoo worked it's magic, so I finally broke down and decided to shave every day. Something I've never done.

I've gone whole seasons without shaving before. Winter? Why in the world would I shave in the winter? Taking my cue from the cats (and based upon utter laziness), that extra coat of fur helps keep me toasty in my spinsterdom. It's not like anyone is going to feel my leg anyway. And in the off chance that I might venture out to a bar mid-winter, I'd hope for at least a day's advance notice to hack through the overgrowth that would keep me just this side of human (never shave your legs on the DAY of an event that potentially could end up in a heated make-out session. Your chances of actually making out are ruined. This is a proven fact.). But I digress. Sort of.

Seriously I have never been so smooth in my life.

And I'm single. So really, what's the point?

A lustrous, full-bodied head of hair, that's what.

I'll check back with you in a couple of weeks and let you know how it's doing, the regrowth. It's exciting to have a project. I feel like a scientist. A mad, not-so-bald scientist.