Figuring it out at 6:45am

(How funny - just as I started to type, "Just Another Day" by Oingo Boingo started up on my iPod. I'm crazy psychic.). Well if that's the case, then why am I just pulling random shit cards these days?

I'll admit it, I've let my cards sit for a long while. I'm not treating them the way I should. I know it's not the most effective thing to read your own cards, but who among us has not had questions, wondered what the f, and then grabbed your trusty tarot deck to just get a clue? (Okay, yeah. Probably just me and Liz.)

Yesterday I was feeling all out of sorts. More Monday than Monday. Not into it. Maybe even as recent as a year ago I would have immediately looked for a reading. But it hasn't been that way lately, and I'm not sure why. Maybe I just don't want to know. Maybe I'm not focused enough to glean the true meaning of what is being thrown out in front of me.

So last night I dug my Goddess tarot deck out of my computer bag where they have been sitting, waiting patiently, since the reunion (they went with me, but didn't leave the bag then, either). Sat on the sofa. Attempted to ground. Did a shitty job of that. Shuffled anyway. Pulled some cards, anyway. Got nothing. Except that my past and my present have been sort of giddy and nice and all-about-me, but my future is all muddled and confused. So of course I take that as meaning I just haven't focused enough and if I intend to see anything of value (meaning, if I see what I WANT to see) (but what's THAT? is what I want to know) I better shut off all outside media and ground myself good and proper before I try again.

Or maybe I am just avoiding the truth. Muddled and confused is pretty much the base of my existence. I mean, let's be honest - I haven't exactly planned for anything in my life except my extended stay in Cancun four years ago. Things just pretty much tumble in front of me and I just roll with them. It's been a pretty enjoyable ride, and I expect that to continue. So I am not sure why I drew a more unsettled conclusion with last night's pull. Frame of mind, I guess, because this morning I don't feel as whacked out and I am seeing a more, um, what's the word.. positive (?) reaction to that last card.

I guess it just goes to show you. You can't control anything. And if I had had the opportunity to control some of the sharp left turns my life has taken over these last, say, 24 years, things may not have turned out the way they are right now. I'm a lot better off than a lot of people, and most of the time my head is in the right spot. So today's lesson, for those of you keeping track, is to roll with it and don't let the (anticipation of) little surprises knock you off your game.

Stressed out people are kind of annoying anyway.