What's "ornge"?

Clearly anyone can have a cooking show. This chick Sandra Lee has a show called "Semi Homemade with Sandra Lee" and she drives me nuts. Her show basically covers recipes that you can make by buying pre-prepped and/or store-bought stuff and then artfully alter it so that it is your own. Who hasn't been dumping Tapatio into canned chili or Rosarita refried beans for the last 25 years? Essentially that's her gig. You'll get stuff like "buy a roasted chicken from your supermarket's deli, take it home, tear it apart and throw it on a platter - Voila! Homemade roast chicken!" Irritating. I am waiting for the day where she makes Mexican food and starts by saying "Go to your nearest Chi-Chis and get a burrito to go, add some Nacho Cheese Doritos, dump them on a earth-toned plate and voila! You just cooked some Mexican food!" I believe that will be the day that I put on my shoes, go to Gresham, buy an AK, come back, and shoot my TV.

I start my Saturdays early by swilling coffee (mmmmmm Dunkin Donuts coffee - sorry Heather) with the channel 12 news and then when that's over I switch to the Food network. For some reason this Sandra Lee chick is really popular. You know, because people THINK they are cooking. Her show airs like every other 1/2 hour. "Go to the supermarket, pick up some Pillsbury crescent rolls, take them home and follow the directions on the package - Voila! You have mastered French cuisine!"

I know I have to put some real clothes on and go do something productive but the weather is for shit and I'd rather just rip on this TV "chef". "Let's move on to cocktails: get your coat and purse, hail a cab to the bar, and order a margarita. Ta da! You're a seasoned mixologist!"

Oh yeah, the title of this post. She says "ornge". What's "ornge?" Not only is she not a chef, she's also some sort of poorly educated hillbilly. God she drives me nuts. "Get some Tang out of the cupboard, measure it into a pitcher, add water, and you have fresh, wholesome ornge juice!"

I like Ina Garten msyelf. She cooks. She doesn't make cake out of a box. She actually has spices in her cupboard. I can live with Rachel Ray, but that "Simply Delicioso" chick kinda bugs me too. Quit with the over-the-top enthusiasm. It's painful. For God's sake it's just a quiche. Same with this Sandra chick. She talks to us like we're 9. "Take some Cool Whip, put it on your Sara Lee frozen pie, and voila! Homemade dessert!" I'm gonna drive MYSELF nuts.

Okay. Go. Get out. It's daylight. Or at least change the channel.