The root of my issues. Or not.

I feel a little sick to my stomach.

I got up at 6:30 this morning because I had to go to the bathroom and just stayed up. Apparently I did not sleep the WHOLE night on my face so my hair doesn't look bad enough to take a shower before my pedi/wax expedition at 9, so here I sit, drinking coffee and feeling kind of sick.

Not "sick-like-I'm-gonna-throw-up" sick, but "sick-like-I'm-kinda-nervous" sick. Which is funny sort of because although I leave for Cancun Monday night (3 more days, 2 more "sleeps"*), I am not really all that, like, excited. I am jazzed to go, don't get me wrong (semantics? Is it all just semantics?), but it's not like back when it was vacation time and I would wait all year to go for 10 days in December and then for 2 weeks in February. I have been back for just over 3 months. I am looking forward to being there, feeling that feeling I get when I get off the plane, seeing my friends, being warm for the first time in ever, it feels like. But like I don't have much of an agenda (which is good) and I don't expect people to drop everything and come see me or whatever. My friends are real people with real jobs and real crises and real daily routines, just like me when I am here. I was thinking how I haven't seen Benny but like maybe 3 times since he's been here (for the last month) because, you know, I have a job and a life. It's the same for my pals down south. THIS DOES NOT BUM ME OUT, because I understand. It's just different. I don't know, first of a number of different types of vacations.

Like, I don't know how it works out for where I am staying. I know I am staying in one of Brian's condos, but I don't know a) which one, b) what it, like, HAS (do I have to bring my own beach towel?), or c) HOW and WHEN to pay him. It's all kind of wierd to me. I mean, I like things in order, with some sort of normalcy. Where, like, everything has been paid for all ready, and I have very few expectations beyond what I already know. Janet and Joe use Brian's condos all the time for their friends and business associates, so I know they know the loop, but I am back to being "Worker Joyce" so I have to be all control-freak about it. I need to just shut up about it.

Plus I have this wedding. I was advised by some very well-informed people-in-the-know not to just give money as a gift (which is a lot easier to bring down) but instead to find some sort of thing for their house (small appliance or table linens?) but as it is I am lugging down plenty of booty for my friends. Not that cherry jello or Tom's of Maine deoderant will take up much space, but I don't know if any of you besides Janet are familiar with my packing abilities (okay, INabilities). I suck at it. I will end up bringing stuff I will NEVER wear. Because, I MIGHT. My biggest thing this trip is to bring something for the wedding (right now I am totally in the zone, I gotta tell you, because that GOD DAMNED Miranda song "Don" is playing on channel 944 and I hated that song when they played it NONSTOP on VH1 in Cancun and I hate it now) to wear, and then just stick with jeans and shorts and tshirts. The problem is you can't just bring one pair of jeans because it's so humid that when I put them on they are 2 sizes too big within minutes. Okay I am just thinking out loud now. I need to chill.

Anyway, I am more worried about leaving my desk, and I think that is where my sick stomach feeling is coming from. It's not super busy right now, but all (and I mean ALL) of my clients decided that Thursday and Friday of this past week seemed like a good time to get me docs on their files. So I have signed like 6 people, and all the files will close while I am gone. And see, I started May 1 and in theory I wouldn't have been that busy (except that I am so extremely popular that I AM) and they never intended to have to have coverage for me. Which is fine, seriously. It's just that these files aren't going to close themselves. I know I can rely on the fabulousness that is Maggie's Emerging Markets group, but I absolutely hate to push all this on them.

Plus this STUPID CONDO SUBDIVISION is getting ready to close a bunch of units, and they are SO screwed up, and I have NO idea what I am doing on them, and then I am just LEAVING in the middle of them. How to Win Friends and Influence People. Jesus Cristo. I will come back to Portland the scourge of the Pacific Northwest, I am sure. So this all adds up to my sick stomach. Seriously, I need to learn how to chill and let this stuff roll off, it's not very Mexigringa of me. But I guess that's why the -gringa is still there.

Oh and one last thing, so yesterday morning I had an 8am signing, and it took about 30 minutes, and the loan officer hung out for about another 15 (I sign people in my office, at my desk), and then I went out and had a little smoke, and came back in and was just about starting to draft an email to the Eastside branch begging for a 3pm courtesy for that day (not a reach around, but a courtesy signing, jeez people this is escrow), when lo and behold, a big (okay, medium sized) BEIGE spider runs along the top of my computer screen. I did of course the requisite shriek-and-shove-away-from-the-desk move (thank God for wheels on desk chairs) and ran out of the room, gaining "composure" with every step. First of all, the Boy of the office, John, was no where to be found, and the only two other people were Cathy (on the phone) and Laura (also on the phone, but wrapping it up). When she hung up, I asked her calmly, "Can you kill spiders?" and she answered, "Yes, so long as they are not big and crunchy." I said, "Well, will you?" and she said yes, but she had to get this package into messenger first. Okay. Look it. I understand the need for urgency, but let's get some priorities straight. When I come out of my office looking like I have seen a ghost (or a spider), HOP TO IT. The flipping messenger can wait the 30 seconds it will take you to get this spider (and me off your back). I am not kidding you, this chick took like 5 minutes (5 agonizing minutes), while I watched this spider go all over the singing karaoke bird that AnnaMarie gave me, the Dove wrapper that says "You are allowed to do nothing", and the length back and forth of my computer screen. I kept going, "I'm losing it!" and "There it goes!" and "If this thing abandons the screen and ends up in the paper mess, you'll be sorry!". FINALLY she comes in (this is NOT the procedure, folks) and spots it racing over to the stack of papers by my boom box, smashes it, and throws it in the trash. I of course am not convinced that it is dead, so she has to show me the carcass in the trash bucket.

I would just like to say that this would have been easier on everyone (including you, who had to read about it) if people would just stick to the rules. It should take no more than 32 seconds from shriek to dead spider. 32 SECONDS. I was away from my desk for like 8 minutes. When John got back I scolded him severely because he is the office Boy and, you know, this IS part of his job. Hello.

Okay, this was a doozy for you, a lot to take for a Saturday. I should have just taken a shower instead.
__________________________________
* As I have said before, I read a lot of message boards, and one of the things that always bugged the crap out of me is when people say "5 more sleeps!" or "36 more sleeps!" as a reference to how many more days until their next vacation. Just bugs the crap out of me. It sounds so, I don't know, trying-to-be-cutesy. Instead it's just stupid.