Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Mentally exhausted

Work wore me out today. It's not like there is a ton of business, but the business we have is harder than it used to be. Sometimes the systems we put in place look good on paper, but don't really pan out in real life. It's those instances that put me in a position of scrambling at the last minute, making mistakes, losing my confidence and then sending the whole last half of the day into a tailspin that I never regain control of. So at like 4:45 I end up having to walk away from the desk and announce that I'm done. But I'm not, because I'm rarely ever done, and having my work email on my phone means I don't ever really stray too far from it.

Plus things at work are tense, and it bums me out. There is always change, and there is constant regrouping, and it affects everyone differently. Some branches are harder to work in than others. I like the one I am in right now, but there is much tension in the air and I wish I could make it go away. Because despite everything that is going on, it's still a place we spend most of our lives at and we might as well try to have a good time.

Oh and it's February, so that means it's ant season... right? Probably not anywhere else except my dishwasher, where I discovered them shaking off the winter and busily setting about the plan to terrorize my spring. I blasted and washed and blasted again and will lay traps down again like last year, and hand wash my dishes for a month until I realize it isn't working and then ultimately I will call around to a pest control company and just pay for the dang thing myself. As much as I liked last year's bug guy, their service is just way too expensive. Who knows, maybe I'll like the new bug guy just as well.

And now Seca has been worrying me. I think there might be something wrong with her teeth. I think I only think this because a coworker just had her cat in for some tooth work last week (that cost her a fortune) and lately Seca has been trying to eat all the metal in the house - the new lamp, the faucet, the towel rack. I tried to look at her teeth but she barely lets me pick her up let alone paw at her mouth, so it's difficult. So I am worried that there might be something wrong and I am not sure that I can afford to take her in. Which makes me a bad cat-owner because what if she's in pain? What if she is just suffering silently like some kind of martyr (only I would have martyr cats..) and I am just not paying enough attention to the signs? I need a cheap vet. The vet I took them to when they got fixed was something like $800 and that was with the Rescue-Kitty discount.

What I need is a whole bunch of money. But that really isn't happening right now, under all the circumstances and potential circumstances.

I shouldn't be thinking about all these things while so mentally exhausted, but that's usually when the worries creep up on you. I think instead I'll just go to bed. It's about the only thing I am equipped to do successfully right now.


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