Crap

Much going on but no real motivation to spill it out here. Sometimes you have weeks like that. Work is fine, for once it isn't really the amount of work (and the often times horrificness that goes with it) that is stressing me out. It's all the other crap. And there is plenty of other crap.

Some crap I have to deal with, have to think about, have to act on, like it (hate it!) or not. That kind of crap sucks the life force out of me. Other crap I can't do anything about and so therefore I manage to successfully push it to a far corner of my brain (thing about far corners of the brain, though, is that they are still there, still visible, and sometimes the stuff you push there creeps back to center stage, like in the middle of the night, or when you're driving, or maybe all of a sudden in the middle of the day, and you didn't even notice it creeping back, and suddenly it kind of hits you, and you think, shit, what am I going to do about THAT, but then you remember that you can't do anything about it, so you push it back into that far corner again and hope it stays there, even though you know it won't). I need a break, like a vacation break. Like not just two days off for a weekend, where I might feel like I have a thousand things to do, but in the course of three hours can successfully convince myself that the world won't end if I just say screw it and take a nap at 11am.

I guess if I actually SAY what some of this crap is people will think, well, that's just life. That's just the way it is when you're 44 (!) (when did THAT happen?). I beg to differ. Because it might be the way it is for OTHER people at this age, but I wasn't groomed for this. I was groomed to do my own thing, live my life on my terms, be responsible for myself and perhaps a couple of little kitties, and be, in general, nice to people. This other crap has never been a part of the equation. And yet, here it is, in all its pissing-me-off-daily glory. Thanks, Crap. I appreciate you coming around and throwing wrenches all over my living room (you understand the concept of sarcasm, don't you, Crap?).

So the only way to cope with this crap, and for that matter, all the other crap, is to just get up and shower and go to work and chit chat with the Dutch Bros kids and other people's customers and laugh and interact and pretend like EVERYTHING IS FINE.

And just keep on downing the Advil. Because all this crap is giving me a headache.