Lovey Howell ain't got nothin' on me

So yeah, I fainted today. Fairly dramatic, but in retrospect, I could have done better. It all started last night when I took a water pill, which I do, because my ankle on my left foot tends to swell when I am stressed. This morning however, after peeing all night long, I got up and got ready to go to the pool to lay out, because, frankly, I can right now. I neglected to drink any water besides what I took to wash down my pills. Oops.

So I am laying out, minding my own business, and found myself getting thirstier than usual. Janet had a cup of water from the pool bar that I was using as an ashtray, and after my two hours were up, we went to turn in the towels. She was taking the cup back to the bar and I told her, give me a minute, I feel really dizzy. My ears started roaring, and my head was really light, but I thought I could make it to the elevators. So we walked over that way, and the lightheadedness was growing, so Janet suggested I sit on the stairs (across from the elevator). I did and put my head between my knees. Janet went to get me a glass of water from the pool bar, and though she told me to wait there, I kept thinking that if anyone walked by it would be sort of embarrassing to have me sitting there like I was, head between my knees and all that. So I make a decision and stand up and sort of Frankenstein-lunge my way over to the elevator and hit the button. It was on 2. Next thing I knew, I was out.

I imagine whoever was on 1 and coming down to PB had to step over me, but basically, I was leaning against the wall on one side of the elevator and when I fainted, I took a total header into the trash can on the opposite side of the elevator. I remember hearing a lot of crashing. That would have been me crashing into the trash can and the trash can crashing into the wall and then the lid, which, by the way, is also an ashtray, complete with sand (thank goodness they keep it pretty clean), falling OFF the trash can and landing on me. Then I heard a lot of voices and yelling and stuff. So two maintenance men come running over and are pulling me up and in my best Spanish, which on a good day is horrific, I keep telling them everything is fine, I'm fine, I'm sorry, etc. Like a dork. Clearly I am not fine. So they put me BACK on the steps and more maintenance men are coming and security guys and all that, and they are saying, call the doctor, call an ambulance, and I am saying no, no, I'm fine, I'm fine, I just need water.

Meanwhile, back at the pool bar, Janet is getting the water, and as she is walking back toward the stairs (this all happened in the space of maybe 3 minutes), she sees the lavandaria guy waving frantically at her, saying "Your friend! Your friend!" Janet is thinking, what in the HELL could have happened? Did she burst into in flames? And sure enough she rounds the corner and there are 5 people all surrounding Stupid Thirsty White Girl.. they motioned to Janet that I fell, (one might have acted it out, not sure), and she gave me the water and I started feeling instantly better. Another glass later and I was ready to get the hell out of there. So we thanked them all and went to the room and I took a shower and we went to La Isla and had some lunch and a Starbucks and now I am limping, my left knee is sore, my left pinky toe is REALLY sore, and I have a lump on the right side of my forehead. Battle scars. Gotta go home with SOMETHING.