Here we go again

Over the years I used to tell people, "I hate change, that's why I make myself go through it so much." So I am changing again. Leaving Cancun, for good this time. Going back to Portland. Not a huge change, but big enough. You see, I sold my car, I got rid of my apartment, I stored my furniture (thank God for that). I quit my job, and now, in a struggling market, I want to go back to it again. Never say never, right? But I think this time around, I wasn't 100% sure that I wanted to go to Cancun. But I did it, because I didn't want to spend the rest of my life wondering what if.

I am not a hotel zone person, this is for certain. And I came to understand that I am just not a Cancun person, either. I mean, I like it. I'll come back to vacation again. But I just don't need to live here. The enormous bugs (thank God I haven't had too many horrid issues here in the apartment), the booming (and I mean BOOMING) hip hop music as you pass by Slices at 10am, 1pm, 5pm, 12am, 3am... it never ends. Can you imagine working in that place? Holy mother. The fact that my Spanish is for shit and you just NEED it, you JUST NEED it. The lack of stupid normal stuff like consistant internet, normal TV, Target, sane driving, normal rules and regulations in the business world... the list goes on and on.

So the job evolved and did all manner of twists and turns and frankly, I just wasn't that good at it. I thought I was getting good reception and I was making all kinds of contacts, but it did nothing, it brought nothing into the club, I felt useless and pretty soon I felt like a third shoe, something completely useless. I know what I am good at. I learned what I want. I learned who I am and who I am not. I don't know what drives people to stay here, but whatever it is, I don't have it. So I am leaving and going back.

Many new challenges lay ahead, but I think it's for the best. I have to get back to the business of living, I guess, but this time as a grown up. I hope all of you understand, but my way of thinking is that you have to do what you think is best for yourself, even if it involves risking everything for the unknown and then hoping you can get it all back.

No one will ever say I didn't do anything a little bit nuts in this life, that's for sure.