Sunday, July 12, 2009

What we learn

When I was in my 20s, I would have held a grudge, talked all manner of smack, and avoided all contact and social situations with this person, making sure that everyone knew why I was not going to be around this person and why it probably wasn't a good idea for them to be around her either.

In my 30s I would have suffered silently, save for a few close friends, wondering if it was something that I did, even though I knew it wasn't and people had to constantly remind me that it wasn't, tormenting myself and making myself sick with self-doubt and confidence-destroying guilt.

Now I just roll with it and actually have a good time.

The wedding was nice. Simple and nice, well decorated, decent-length ceremony (although there was something the Christian pastor said in the ceremony that actually really bothered me. I think if Becky H. were there we would have had a long conversation about it. I guess somehow in 2009 it has become perfectly acceptable to practice intolerance under the guise of religious freedom.*), great food, very happy people. Marsha looked absolutely stunning. I mean, she's always been a pretty girl, but there was an extra-added boost of beauty this night. Love? Hm. I'll have to think about that some. It wasn't a late night, and I laughed a lot, which I needed. I think I am glad that Steve and Michaelene are around when I am in dire need of laugh-therapy.

I drove in with Rhonda and Edgar and Edgar's daughter who lives in Kentucky. They are going on a family trip today so they didn't really need a driver (which is what caused me to phone Rhonda in the first place - if they wanted to drink I was happy to drive them because Scappoose is so flipping far away and oh my hell don't even get me started on that Cornelius Pass Road). Despite all of my feelings about what has happened with her in the past and how things sort of fell apart (sort of...?) in our friendship, I find myself a little bit surprised at how well I just let it go and roll with it. I mean, I know myself pretty well. Throw an injustice my way and I can expound on it for HOURS. But it was generally her bringing up past adventures and anecdotes, not me, and I wonder if my overall indifference to past bad-things (and, really, her) made her realize that she didn't like being the bad guy and that it really was stupid that our friendship ended. Who knows. I'm guessing I think too much.

So overall, it was a good night. We won't be having coffee any time soon, Rhonda and I, but it's kind of good to know that it doesn't bother me like it used to. Maybe I have learned how to deal with the stupid senseless stuff in life. Maybe in my 40s I just don't sweat the stupid shit anymore.

*So in the ceremony, the Christian pastor (or whatever they call themselves) (I always thought a pastor was the lead priest in one particular parish), stressed not once, not twice, but three times that marriage is between a MAN and a WOMAN in God's eyes. Each time I think the scowl grew on my face. Seriously, I just don't see giving that much of a shit about who marries whom. I just don't see how it is affecting anyone else if two people, regardless of their sex, marry. That's the debate, fine, I just think there are more important things to worry about. But to have to bring it up, and then again, and then AGAIN, in a 15 minute wedding ceremony between two heteros, with like 25 people in attendance, not one of them a drag queen, seemed like a little bit of overkill. Keep your bullshit agenda out of it, and remember that Jesus and God and that whole gang are big fans of the whole live-and-let-live and love-one-another gig.


At 9:58 AM, July 13, 2009, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are correnct, Ma'am. We would have had a conversation about that...of course in a tavern of our choice with pitchers of CL, as opposed to at the wedding iteslf. (We're not SAVAGES, for God's sake!) I have to say, without intending to sound selfish (honestly) that, although I am VERY happy for Marsha, I was caught feeling very said on Saturday when I found out about the wedding. I can't believe this has happened - Marsha (MARSHA!) is having a baby and is now married and I have not been involved in either one, nor was I ever informed or invited to anything. I get it that our friendship is over and Marsha blames me for that, probably rightfully so at many levels. It doesn't change that I am sad that my one-time-nearly-best-friend has all this joy in her life and I don't get to share in it with her or let her know how happy I am for her. I don't even know what's appropriate - shall I emailed her? Send her a card? Anyway...I am aure this is coming out all wrong and I sound as if it's all about me, and that's TRULY not what I mean. It's just sad how things can change between people. Marsha deserves all the happiness in the world - she is one of the kindest and most giving people I have ever met. I wish her GOBS of happiness. BH


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