Happy Wedding Day to Marsha!

'Tis the season.

Today I am going to my friend Marshy's wedding. It's a somewhat smallish, informal affair, the kind I like. The meaning is the same. Next Saturday I am going to another wedding, the daughter of my brother Tom's best friend since high school. I'm not even going to think about what that means in terms of how old this girl is. You know, as it relates to how old I am.

I've been in seven weddings (none of them my own). I've been thinking about it, and I can only remember six of them. But I've always contended I've been in seven, so it must be true. I just can't think of that seventh one. I was asked to be in one that I had to decline, because it was in Ohio and I was living in Portland again and didn't think I could properly contribute, but I did attend the wedding (I wonder if I counted that? This is going to drive me a little bit crazy). Most of those weddings were formal, church-like weddings with the bridesmaid dress and the Saturday morning hair appointment and the big reception. One was in the wine country, and two were a month apart in two different states other than my own (that was an expensive few months...). All of them, I think, are still going strong - well all but one that I know of - I haven't been in touch with one of the brides in a long time, actually, and the last time I spoke to her she was in a really unhappy place and might have even decided to turn into a lesbian (don't you love that? I've known two brides that later decided to "turn into" lesbians. I wasn't aware it was some kind of switch you could turn on and off. I mean, come on, if you don't like your husband anymore, just tell him. You don't have to be so dramatic. And it really isn't that fair to the real live lesbians out there.). So I'm not really sure how that all panned out in the end.

I guess I should be sort of proud of my brides. I mean, with marriages ending in divorce at least 50% of the time (is it more now? I haven't really had to check, but we'll say 50% and just stay conservative), I should count myself lucky to have such a good track record with the weddings I have been in (I won't get carried away and suggest that, perhaps as the common denominator, I'm a pretty safe bet if you're looking for quality people to stand up for you). And plus they were all pretty fun, so that's a bonus.

(I wonder if somehwere along the way I counted my own wedding-that-ultimately-never-happened as one of the seven. I wonder if back then I was pre-counting. Putting the cart before the horse or something.) I like a good wedding. I've even been known to choke up a little bit at them, and I'm not really a crier. There's something about witnessing two people standing in front of their family and friends, really believing that they have found that one true person with whom they intend to spend the rest of their lives (did that sound a little negative? I don't think that's my intention. Except by nature I'm a little bit skeptical and a little bit more cynical. I mean, how do you know, in your early 20s, or 30s, or even 40s for that matter if you have met that ONE TRUE soul that you'll grow with and change with and still like, let alone love, forever and ever and ever? I can see that happening in your 30s and older, but 20s? That's a huge assumption. And it's probably why I am not married. Because I'm Grass-Is-Always-Greener Girl, I probably put too much thought into it ahead of time and just willed myself to not commit fully. Maybe the whole thing is about attitude. Maybe I just had a bad attitude about the whole thing from the start.). So yeah, maybe I just envy them for that one afternoon (or, you know, week, year, decade, whatever) that they truly feel that way.

And there might be something about the way they celebrate their union. You can spend a ton of money and have it last forever, or you can spend a ton of money and have it NOT last forever. By the same token you can spend very little money and have it last forever, or you can spend very little money, beyond the plane ticket to Vegas and the hotel rooms, and have it last less than three months (I'm not sure how the statistics pan out for people who were married by Elvis, but I'm guessing it doesn't look that good. And yes, I am speaking from experience. In retrospect, I wonder if that couple just wanted to go to Vegas with a whole bunch of people and didn't know any other way to get them to all go at the same time. There's no question THAT wedding was a blast, but I think Vegas is responsible for that, and not the actual nuptials.).

So really, it's got to be the attitude, the spirit in which you enter into marriage that determines its outcome. And not so much that you chose me to stand up for you. At any rate, I wish nothing but the best for my friend Marshy, who has always had a great outlook on life, and who deserves all the happiness life has to offer.