Saturday, April 04, 2009

Okay, now I've got something to say

How long has "voicemail" been around? For like, I don't know, something like 30 years? Or at least the concept of it? Like answering machines? Somebody Wikipedia that and get back to me.

So if it's been around for so FUCKING long, then tell me - WHY IS THE STUPID LADY ON THERE STILL TELLING US HOW TO WORK VOICEMAIL? No SHIT, "leave a message after the tone". Do you think I am some kind of an idiot? The worst ones are the ones where the instruction is like 10 minutes long - "At the tone, please record your message. When you are finished recording, hang up, or press the pound key for more options." Seriously? After all that, I've lost all interest in why I called the person to begin with. Because I am infuriated. Really? I have to wait for the tone? You mean I can't just start talking over your annoying voice? I have to actually wait for a tone? And why are you still talking? Where's the tone already? Thank God for all this babbling instruction, because I just dropped out of the tree I've been living in for the last 50 fucking years and I have no idea how this crazy voicemail system works. How do I know you'll give Barbie the message? Will you go over to her house and wait for her to get home? Fuck.

And here's another question. I don't ever push pound for more options, because what are the options? Isn't one of them, "To send this message as URGENT, press 2"? What the hell does that mean? If I see that I have a voicemail, how do I know until I check that the message is urgent? I could be laying on the sofa, too lazy to call my voicemail, and meanwhile there is an URGENT MESSAGE in there just WAITING to be picked up. But I don't know that. Shouldn't the phone like burst in to flames or something to give you the indication that, in fact, it really WAS an urgent message but it's too late now?

I'm just not going to leave messages anymore. Not when that stupid lady comes on and tells me how to do it. I may not remember CPR and I might not know how to split an atom, but I CERTAINLY know how to leave a fucking message for someone when they don't answer the phone. I'm sick of being patronized and treated like an idiot.



At 11:43 AM, April 04, 2009, Anonymous Jackie said...

Wow, I was almost afraid to comment.
How about this greeting?

"I'm out walking my donkey but as soon as I get my ass back in I'll call you back. Leave me a message."

It is irritating to have someone leave repeated messages and not even let me have a chance to listen to the previous one before leaving a second or third one. I was traveling home from Boise a few weeks ago. By the time I got off the plane I had three voice mails, four emails and a text message from the same person. I called her back at my leisure and told her voicemail that no matter how many times she left me voicemails, emails and text messages I would not have received them because I was on a plane and my wireless was shut off. When she called me and we talked she screeched “I didn’t think that you were even working at all”. She made no points with me that day.

At 11:48 AM, April 04, 2009, Blogger JJ said...

By the way, sorry about all my swearing in there.

But yeah, THAT is a huge pet peeve, the leaving numerous messages. Okay a) give me time to respond and b) don't flatter yourself, you are not that high on my list. If I'm not getting back to you right away, it could be for any reason, but it's PROBABLY because it taxes me to talk to you. Look within. It's not me, IT'S YOU.

Loved the donkey thing. Seriously considering changing my outoging message now...

At 1:24 PM, April 04, 2009, Anonymous Barbie said...

I am proud of the fact that it was MY vm that so affected you and allowed you to brilliantly compose yet another much needed expose of useless, yet often needed, world facts that continue to boggle the minds of most.

At 8:28 PM, April 05, 2009, Blogger My Way said...

I say, say what you fucking mean and mean what you fucking say.


At 6:27 PM, April 08, 2009, Blogger Theresa in Mèrida said...

I want to know why people don't know how to leave a message.
1)state your name unless your name really is hiitsme, tell me who you bleeping are.
2)give your phone number CLEARLY, don't assume that I have it.
3)Give a brief message.
4)Give your phone number again CLEARLY even if you think that i have it.
I used to work in an office, it's bloody amazing how often people leave long rambling messages and at the end race thru their phone number, so you have to listen to the long rambling message like 5 times to figure it out. Also how often people don't identify themselves. Honestly, I would get messages saying that they wanted to cancel or make an appointment but not tell me who the bleep they were!
oh, my favorite greeting was "Leave a message at the sound of the sheep" and then you heard a sheep go "baaa".

At 6:47 PM, April 08, 2009, Blogger JJ said...

Two things Teresa - the racing through the phone number at the end of the useless long rambling message? HUGE pet peeve. People wonder why I break so many phones at work. And then I had to comment on "Leave a message at the sound of the sheep" - oh my hell that. is. AWESOME!


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