By request.

Yeah, hi. That Becky made me feel guilty for not posting in a while so here I am. Seriously, I have like NOTHING to talk about. Busy, not a ton of free time (and my God that infuriates me), trying to maintain some kind of tan while working all day in my totally misunderstood industry*.

It's not that I'm not thinking about blogging, I think about it all the time (Becky even suggested that I carry around a small notebook to write things down in, like all serious writers do. Which would be a great idea if most of my inspiration didn't come while I'm behind the wheel of a car. They say no TEXTING while driving; nobody ever said anything about pulling out a ball point pen, flipping open a spiral notepad, and jotting down a few thoughts. Perfectly legal. Pretty safe, too, I bet.), I just can't retain things long enough to retell the story. Do I sound like a broken record right now? (It might also interest you to know that I just had a great thought pop into my mind, and in the time it took to write that last sentence, I forgot it. What does THAT mean? Do I need to start doing sudoku**?) I may not have an action-packed life right now, but a lot goes on any given day and for some reason I think you guys should know about it. But then I forget and you don't get to know about it and, I don't know, it's probably true that your lives haven't changed one way or the other as a result of it.

Here's something though. You wanna know how to really irritate the shit out of me? How about be a pretty much one-sided friend (not like, forever, but be like a really good friend for a long while and then suddenly become this totally self-absorbed person who only wants to talk about yourself and what's going on in your life) and if I have even the smallest bit to add or share don't listen to me and forget everything I might have mentioned in the past year and then if you ask my advice, totally find fault with it, knock down everything I say, even argue the advice (that you didn't plan to take or consider anyway, it was clear you were just trying to make me think you are not self-absorbed), and THEN, when I have made it absolutely clear that if I don't want to or cannot talk I simply won't pick up the phone, how about start leaving me messages and texts about how you don't know why I won't talk to you and even sound ANGRY in some of them, like you're scolding me, and then in the next one make it sound like you're sad, and continue to try to use every angle in the book in the form of a message or text to see which one of them will make me break down and call you back, so that I can listen to your self-absorbed-ness again and just be more irritated once I hang up again. (This is actually kind of funny - my phone is in the other room and I heard a text come through but didn't go look to see who it was because I assumed it was this person and then another text came through and then the phone RANG and I thought holy MOTHER and stormed off to the phone to see who it was and it was actually poor Janice who told me she was calling tonight anyway. The texts weren't this person either. I get irritated for no reason most of the time.). Anyway, if you want to irritate the shit out of me, do all that. It's going to be pretty awkward when I DO finally answer the phone though.

Oh yeah, here was another thought from earlier today. This hat:
Can I just ask? WHY is this fashion? This is the ugliest fucking trend I've ever seen. Hey, white girl, guess what? You're NOT a Rastafarian. You don't need that big ass hat to hold your dreads in. You look ridiculous and sloppy. Stop it.

So can you kind of tell the wind is a little bit out of my sails all of a sudden because I just got off the phone talking to that Janice about trip-planning in the Yucatan? Now I'm all sad again and want to go to Mexico. Soon, damn it.

Okay, then, Becky. I hope if nothing else I was able to kill seven minutes of your day. I promise to start writing shit down. Really. Because really funny stuff happens to me in the course of any given day, and for some reason I think you guys should know about it.
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*"Misunderstood" because nobody really knows what it is I do. None of my friends, certainly none of my family members, and roughly 87% of the people that call our branches in the day. Just for the record, "title insurance" is totally different than "car title loans". Hopefully my mention of this will decrease incoming call volume by 25% tomorrow. Hopefully.

**Did I even spell "sudoku" right?