Debated

To drink or not to drink... that was the question.

I woke up this morning thinking about all I had to do today and promptly spent the next three hours on the internet and the phone. Why am I surprised? It's like any other Saturday. It's past noon and all I have done is gone to the mall for some necessities. I still have to tan, hit the supermarket, clean, hit the Target, hit the Petsmart, and find time to relax.

Rewind to this morning at 6am when Lava convinced me to get up (I slept in): I have this party tonight and I wasn't sure about drinking at it.

Isn't that funny? What a decision! Like anything I wrap my head around, I become almost obsessed with the consequences. I had a ride, so I didn't have to worry about driving, and that's one of the reasons I don't drink so much anymore (only on vacations - it used to be "only when I'm out of the country" but I'm going to Palm Springs and I fully intend to drink while there). I started thinking about Sunday morning, and how I would feel, and even if I didn't drink that much I might psychosomatically feel more hungover than I really would be and would spend all day on the sofa when I should be doing something productive like cleaning the cat box or vacuuming. Then I went on to Monday morning, and how I was sure that I'd be bitter going in to work feeling completely cheated out of a weekend day, which would make me cranky and not fun to be around. For God's sake it's just beer.

But then Lori sent an email with regard to directions to my house, and I replied, you know... why don't I just drive? Because I won't miss the drinking part and it's probably better all around. Was I hoping she'd say, No no no it's fine, we'll drive, to give me an excuse to have a beer (or 13)? Kinda. But she jumped on it and I'm happy about it because in the end I am really not going to do any major cleaning today and I'll need tomorrow to finish up the shit I won't get done today.

So there it is. Now you know the battle that wages in my head any time there is an opportunity to drink socially. It's not so much that I think I'll get hammered and wrap my car around a telephone pole, it's more the fear of driving period. The Nordstrom girl said to me, well, you can have ONE beer, to which I replied, Yeah.. no I can't.

I really don't miss it that much. I don't like crave it or anything. Sometimes it would be nice to have a couple of beers and chill. But I haven't been able to stop at a couple since I was about 16, so really it's better this way. And if the Nordstrom girl knows about it now, then it's not like I won't have a problem being chatty tonight, right?

It'll be fun and tomorrow will be productive, and that's the way I like it.