Monday, May 31, 2010

(Upon proofreading, I think I might have already blogged about this)

People often ask me why I've never married. As much as I embrace the spinster situation I've got going for myself, sometimes I wonder myself why there are people out there who have married not once, but several times. I kind of don't get it. I hold out on even talking to interested boys, let alone go on a date with them. Let alone flipping marry them. Who are these women who marry the first man they come across? Do they just fear being alone? I like being alone, frankly. I like being able to leave my shoes where they land and having the option of not showering or vacuuming. Sure it would be nice to have someone to contribute to my income, take out the trash or kill a bug, but I've put up with it this long, what the hell. Easy trade-off, I guess.

My answer to the question is basically that I never wanted to drop the hammer. I've shacked up a few times, sure, and even have a ring from a long-ago engagement, but that's where I think it ends for me. I start envisioning permanence and it sort of freaks me out (or I should say "started" - options haven't come up much lately). Some people were meant to be alone, I think. I guess.

I didn't date a ton when I was younger, either. I did, but not a ton. I made out with scores of men, for sure, but that was mostly drunken fumbling and largely for my own entertainment. Nothing that would ever have been construed as potential relationship material - I think I might have been considered a good way to end up the evening. Thanks again to the magic of social networking, however, I'm finding that perhaps that wasn't necessarily always the case, and it kind of amuses me to find that there are boys out there who would have wanted more (lately they've been coming out of the woodwork). Why they wait twenty-plus years to let me know this is somewhat baffling, but whatever. My life has been a good one as a single gal.

Had I married when the opportunity arose, I wouldn't have been able to move to different states and countries (okay, country, but moving back to the US would be considered at the time moving to another country, so I'll leave it plural). I might have had kids, and, well, my theory has always been that children age you (on second thought, I probably wouldn't have kids). I wouldn't have had nearly the adventures, big and small, that I have had over the years and thusly would have been just another boring member of society, worried about stupid things and having nothing to contribute at the water cooler. That's not me.

I know what people are thinking when the subject arises and I tell them I've never married. The little half-cocked head and tiniest squint in the eyes says it all - Are you a lesbian? You don't LOOK like a lesbian. What's a lesbian look like? No, I'm not a lesbian (not that there's anything WRONG with that), and there's nothing kooky or off about me, either. The opportunity arose, but I opted out. Sometimes it's a better idea.

I'm not lonely (often), I don't feel like a part of me is not whole, I don't have a biological clock and I don't dream away my down time wondering where the man of my dreams is. I like that there are boys out there that wonder "what if". I like that I can come home from work and wear horrendous house clothes and have cheese and crackers for dinner. I like that I can (when financially plausible) take off to Mexico and blow somebody in the back of a taxi (you know, hypothetically speaking...), get really tan, come back to work and be completely competent at my chosen career - all the while not worrying about anybody else but ME.

So don't feel sorry for me, or wonder where I went wrong, or think if I made some changes I'd finally find someone and be happy. I'm perfectly happy. Envy my freedom, and respect my choice. I was never the girl who felt like she had to do something just because everyone else did.


At 11:14 AM, May 31, 2010, Blogger Rosas Clan in Tulum said...

I love your life- I love the way you live it and the way you make the rest of us feel when we are around you- the funny- the logical and the down right side-splitting.

Plus- life is barely half over- who know what will ocme next- enjoy the moment NOw!

At 6:37 PM, May 31, 2010, Anonymous Jackie said...

Well said Joyce. I may have a daughter but I never felt the need to marry some guy. I love my independence!

At 6:40 AM, June 01, 2010, Blogger JJ said...

You're right, Mindy, no one knows what the future holds... And Jackie, that is it in a nutshell - independence!


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