Monday, June 08, 2009

One less thing off my chest

I've been meaning to tell someone about this issue I've had for a while now, and since you're the only ones around right now, well, you'll have to hear it.

I hate that song by Fergie, "Big Girls Don't Cry". Motherfucking hate it.

And probably not for the same reasons most people do. I mean, it's sappy, sure, and her voice grosses me out just in normal music life. I am not a fan of her, I don't get her, I don't get why she's around or even know where she came from. I see pictures of her and it scares me and I have to change the channel/x out of People.com. But this song. Oh my hell.

First of all, she's all over the flipping map. It doesn't make a ton of sense, to me, because seriously, she goes from one end of the situation to another. Okay, I get that she, what? Just fucked this guy that doesn't like live where she does and he just left but she's glad because she needs some me time? Then why does she say "it's time for me to go home"? I thought HE was the one who left.

But I think the biggest issue I have with her is how she just keeps adding words to the end of her sentences. That whole "center gravity" thing would have been fine if she just stopped there. It rhymes and everything. But no, she has to add "peace serenity" and they aren't even necessary. My AP English teacher told me 26 years ago to cut out the "dead wood", unnecessary words have no value in anything worth reading. Or singing. She carries this theme of adding words to perfectly good, rhyming sentences throughout the whole song. "Like a little school mate in the school yard, we'll play jacks and Uno cards (okay, what?) - I'll be your best friend and you'll be my valentine - " Seriously. There is just WAY too much going on there. Way too much. It would have been completely fine without half that shit in there, and Uno cards? What the hell? I just don't get it. It drives me crazy. All the references to being a child, frankly it creeps me out. And though she's talking about him leaving, or her leaving, or whoever the hell it is that isn't there anymore, she suddenly launches into this whole thing about them being playmates and lovers, and oh my hell. Seriously creeps me out.

The hook ("I'm gonna miss you like a child misses her blanket but I've gotta get a move on with my life") is annoying enough, but if you listen to the song for any amount of time you'll see what I mean. Just nonsensical rambling (um, kinda like this blog) meant, clearly, to drive me out of my head.

Before you say, just don't listen to the song, you fool, let me just say that like any good train wreck, sometimes you just have to. And sometimes you have to because all the other stations are playing ads or news at that time, and I would much rather bitch about a poorly written pop song than listen to the news. You can rest assured that when it DOES come on, and I do the obligatory lap around the radio dial, and have no other choice but to listen to it, I'm bitching the entire time. Yelling at her. Yelling things like, "What are you getting at?" and "Stop talking!" in the general direction of the car stereo. Yes I look crazy. But I'm trying to make a point. Don't the other drivers see that?

Okay. I'm done. I hope that was enough for me to move on.

2 Comments:

At 7:51 AM, June 10, 2009, Blogger Rosas Clan in Tulum said...

Was that therapeutic? Maybe the gods will have heard you and the track will just disappear! I would say Fergie would disappear but then the whole world would do that "Let's remember what this person added to our lives..." thing and then she would be a legend and you would never be rid of her. Sorry, I am thinking about options for you.

 
At 4:28 PM, June 18, 2009, Blogger My Way said...

You sound like someone called "My Guey".

But yeah I totally fucking agree with you. When it first came out I was like what up with the blanket yo? And the fucking jacks and Uno cards? No make SENSE.

But then they play it everywhere and for fucks sake I sing along even though it's fucking retarded.

Thanks for agreeing with me.

 

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