Saturday, April 26, 2008

Everyone is out to get me

And, as it turns out, you. Though you probably aren't yet aware of it.

I got up at like flipping 6 this morning because I had to pee and frankly another 30 minutes of sleep wasn't worth battling the kittens over. So I did my thing for a while, chatted some with that Mexico Way and spoke with my sister Barbie seriously 5 times before 9am. Anyway, it means I got a decent start on my morning errands.

I want to know where the people in the city of Beaverton got their drivers licenses. I'm not kidding you no less than four people either cut me off, drove STRAIGHT AT ME, or came barrelling out of a store parking lot mere feet from my 40-mph-driving self, and this was prior to me even STARTING to shop. I left the house at 9:30, got through the drive-thru at Starbucks at 9:55, and was finally done gassing up my car by 10:15. Please keep in mind these places are all a total of 3 miles from my house, and I drive fast. People are so fucking SLOW.

And while I'm on that subject, can I just ask all of you in the Starbucks drive-thru for one small courtesy? If you have an order that requires so much instruction that you have to repeat it at least twice at the little speaker thingie and then AGAIN at the window, would you just forego the drive-thru and go do all that shit inside, please? Seriously. Drive-thrus are supposed to be for those of us on the fly, not for you jackasses who are too lazy to walk across the parking lot and stand in line. If you want to know what kind of specialty pastries are available today, seriously, do not ask the drive-thru person to recite them for you. Go the fuck inside. And does it bother any of you readers that I am not spelling out the "through" in "drive-through"? Because it is kind of me.

Anyway, I had some recent conversations about the state of our country, and I have decided that nobody should watch the news anymore. Just boycott it. It's only about just like anything else TV-related, from American Idol to Brittany Spears on "How I Met Your Mother" - ratings. More people watch, more advertisers will pay more money to advertise during your show. So what do the people of the USA want to see when they turn on the TV? Sensationalism. Rice is like 70% more expensive than it was, I don't know, last week or something, says TV, so now Costco is limiting your rice purchasing and I think yesterday the Hillsboro Costco RAN OUT OF RICE. Have you SEEN the size of the bags of rice in the Costco? Good CHRIST. I imagine that consumers were making a run on rice at all supermarkets big and small because good Lord there is a rice shortage. And the beauty of all this? Most of these people don't know anything about rice beyond the directions on the back of a box of Minute Rice. It's flipping crazy. And it really shows you the power of the media in this country. I am not kidding you if there was suddenly a newsstory about a shortage of black shoe polish these same people would be fighting over cans of it in the supermarket the next morning. And WHO SHINES THEIR SHOES ANYMORE??

Also in this conversation was the fact that grocery prices in our area are increasing. Well no shit, and for two reasons: one, food prices go up all the time, they are always going up, they rarely go down, this is just the way the world works. And b), in this particular market (greater Portland), there are more "high end" or "gourmet" supermarkets than there were, say, five years ago. The Zupans, the Haggens, the Whole Foods, the Lambs chain, the New Seasons, even the Fred Meyers is trying to go upscale in the grocery world. I was in the Fred Meyers just this morning, and I bought a couple of items in the natural foods section, a thing of soup and a thing of crackers. The prices were jacked, and way more than their "not so natural" counterparts in the regular grocery sections. The Zupans will cause bankruptcy if you allow yourself to do "big" shopping there, and forget about the Haggens. Seriously everything I buy there is TWICE as much as when I buy it at the Fred Meyers. So here's my point. Food is more expensive because people are spending their money at more expensive grocery stores. Your bills won't be as high if you watch a budget. I don't watch a budget so much simply because it's just me and the kits, but for those of you that insist on procreating and driving minivans and spending your money on stupid needless shit for your snivelling offspring and buying into this CRAP, take a look at your specific situation and then the situation of, say, your grandparents, and figure out that it is YOU, it is not THEM, YOU are to blame for the fact that you are broke, because you are stupidly spending your money on anything the media tells you to, and not the stuff you need. You should be ashamed of yourselves. You're probably even in my way in the supermarket, which pisses me off even more.


I need to go lie down now.


At 3:31 PM, April 26, 2008, Blogger Mexico Way said...

I love a good bitch session. Especially when it comes from you.


You make me happy when skies are grey and also even happier when they are sunny.

At 7:38 AM, May 01, 2008, Anonymous heatherinparadise said...

JJ bringing out the big guns. Give hell, woman!

At 4:18 PM, May 01, 2008, Blogger Theresa in Mèrida said...

It's not me, I seldom go to Starbucks because I just want coffee, with cream and sugar, period. All the signage weirds me out.
LOL, I bet you are right about the rice. The funny thing is that in China they mostly eat short grain and in the USA we eat long grain, so it isn't even the same kind of rice! Was there a run on calrose? naw, I bet they bought up those expensive bags of basmati!


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