Tuesday, October 20, 2009

"Never never gonna give you up" (because I can't think of a title and that happens to be the song on my iTunes right now)

I read a daily tarot card online in the morning and try to think about what it means for me. Online doesn't seem as accurate as it should be if someone physically pulled a card for me, but it's as close as can I get while remaining somewhat objective. Brad C.'s 10 year old son (I think he's 10, I have retention issues) says tarot is the work of the devil but I think he's wrong (and he's 10, so the odds are good that he just isn't looking at the big picture, being that a 10-year-old's big picture encompasses his house, his yard, his street, and his school. And maybe the supermarket.). I think they are entertainment, and also a good tool for looking at your life with a little different perspective.

Today's card is Judgement. Here's what it says: "Incredible pressure to tell truth lest you be judged. A court case or other legal proceeding in which an outcome is assigned. Have you done anything for which your judgment or actions would be called into account? Time to examine life, friends, family, career and relationships with a discerning eye. Time to deal with something major in your life. Transformative energies are surrounding you now. A choice is at the ready and must be made now."

Remember, this isn't necessarily literal. I have no court- or legal-related issues in my life. I'm just over here living the dream and flying under the radar. It's the end that makes me think (the "Time to examine life" part). I have been lamenting over and over on this thing about how I need a change and how I don't want to be "done" and wondering what's next and blah blah blah. But it's not like I have the wherewithall or even the finances to do anything drastic, like I have plenty of times in the past.

(Speaking of that, sometimes I wonder where the hell I got the nads to do some of the things I did, like move to California or move to Cleveland or move to Mexico for Pete's sake. I am not absolutely sure I could just wake up one morning and decide to do that, and then actually DO it, anymore. Do we just get wimpier as we age?)

So, in the limited time I have to blog this morning, I am thinking that maybe the transformation needs to be from within (if you are reading this, Elizabeth, you have my permission to smack me upside the head, because you have been telling me this for a while now, but remember I only listen to about 25% of what people say to me and the rest of it is immediately replaced by a Smiths' song). I am not really sure in what way, I mean, I'm fairly spiritual in a personal kind of way, and I do try to live the Golden Rule, but there's got to be something in there that can be tweaked and bring me some sort of inner peace. Or whatever it is I'm searching for.

And on that note, life can't just be about the search, can it? Hm. That's something to think about.


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