Things I should know by now

Okay it's a "day" today, so while I wait for my curling iron to get hot enough to turn me into the stone fox that I am, I will chronicle.

42 years ago I burst onto the scene, and over those long years I have learned a few things that ultimately formed me into the wise all-knowing person I am today. Things like there is no eating corn-on-the-cob in public without easy access to a small hand mirror and some sort of toothpick-related item. The corner of a business card works, but of course floss is the best choice. I literally never have floss in my purse, but I always have a small mirror. I can't drink water without getting it stuck in my teeth.

Every couple of years I get a new crazy cowlick in my hair, generally near my forehead, that takes a few weeks to get used to and learn to sort of style around. I look at this as a new twist to the same haircut that I have had since I was twelve.

The longer I am here the more I realize that sensationalism in the news is here to stay and only going to get worse. And that in Portland, beyond murder, so little happens that weather is a big, huge deal. And really all we get is sunshine (sometimes) and rain.

On that note, bet on no matter what month it is, the first time you haul out that fun new fall sweater it will be freakishly hot that day.

Smoking cigarettes was just a really bad idea way back when I started in my youth, and even worse when I started AGAIN a couple years ago.

Humor generally can get you through just about anything. Having a sense of humor can be one of the greatest things a person can possess. Being witty, or even funny, is a great personality trait, and it has managed to sustain my not falling off the deep end into complete insanity by now.

I'm not allergic to bees, I just don't like them.

Friends are a privelege, not a right. Sometimes they do things that are just wrong, whether they are aware of it or not. Sadly most of the time they are aware of it, and do it anyway. So many repercussions can come from what might seem like the slightest wrong, so I think it's important to think things through when it comes to relationships. Expecting the worst as a result of tentative actions is probably a good way to go, and if you think you can live with that worst case scenario, then go for it I guess. But don't expect people to forget it, because people don't. They might let it go, after a period of time, but it will always be there, hanging around. Nobody wants to be old alone, with no one to laugh with.

If I could, I would find a job that would allow me to get out of bed at 6:30 and still have time to dick around in the morning before facing traffic. So far, I haven't found that job. 6:30 is my body's natural wake-up time. 5:30 is not.

Houses don't clean themselves, so if you just can't find the strength to do it yourself, find someone to pay to do it. Because no matter what, someone will pop by when there is shit all over the living room floor that flew off the coffee table when you accidentally turned the ceiling fan to super-high instead of off before you went to bed last night. Frankly I am not picking that shit up. Not right now.

I'm sure there are more things I have learned, but right now I need to go get some clothes on and go to work. I can't think of a better way to start my day than to fight traffic in Beaverton.